I have my cake...why can't I eat it too???

Well, time to face the ugly (or should I say HEAVY) truth and come clean to myself and to all of you.

FACT: I have gained 7 lbs in the past week and a half. 7!!! SEVEN!!! S-E-V-E-N! As in 1-2-3-4-5---6----7!!! What the heck?!?!? Giant chocolate cakes from Cosco weigh 7 lbs. Textbooks weigh 7 lbs. BABIES weigh 7 lbs. How in tarnation did I gain that much weight so fast. Let's examine the MYTHS and FACTS of my life recently. And then find a way to make sure this NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN!

MYTH #1: My metabolism/body chemistry has completely changed in the past 6 months, allowing me to eat whatever I want and not gain weight.

You would think that the success that I have had with weight loss would motivate me to never eat unhealthy food again. Ha. Hahahahaha! Are you kidding?!?!? I still crave junk food ALL THE TIME! I mean, seriously! I do love lots of healthy food, but doesn't everyone know that ranch dressing make just about EVERYTHING better?!?!? And who doesn't love them some chips, especially Ruffles Cheddar and Sour Cream. And y'all know that the best thing that ever happened to me was moving to Texas and discovering Blue Bell Ice Cream! Who is with me???

TRUTH: My body chemistry/metabolism has not changed all THAT drastically. If I want to continue to lose weight (YES!!!), or even maintain where I am at, then I will ALWAYS have to measure my portions and count calories. And I don't know why that seems to bother me so much. I guess I am still a little bit in denial about everything. I just keep thinking that one of these days I am going to wake up and be able to eat whatever I want and not gain weight. And that is NEVER, EVER going to happen. So I really need to let that ship sail, DEAL with what I've got, and stop whining about it! Buck up, girl!

MYTH #2: It's okay to take the elevator when I'm really tired or it's hot outside.

I am working at a summer camp, and our labs are on the 3rd floor of a building (up 3 flights of stairs because the ground floor is really the basement). And my dorm is up another flight of stairs, on the 4th floor. I find myself taking the elevator several times a day, because I am hot (hellooooo, this is Texas in July, people), it's sickeningly humid outside, and frankly, the last thing I want to do is trudge up those 3 flights of stairs.

TRUTH: I am not handicapped. I am not in a wheelchair. I have two working legs, and I need to use them. It doesn't matter if I have to walk slowly (the campers usually fly on by me) or even if I have to rest for a few seconds on one of the landings. There is no excuse for taking the elevator (except when I have a bunch of camp supplies that I have to take to the lab or when I am moving my stuff out). So, that's it. No more elevator for me. The truth is I can actually walk up the stairs faster than the elevator can take me, since it's so old and slow. That should be a no-brainer!

MYTH #3: It's okay to eat college cafeteria food, as long as I don't eat too much.

As part of my job as a summer camp director, I get free food and lodging on a college campus. Now, I am always trying to save money, so this is a great set-up. Of course, I am still paying rent on my apartment, but being at camp means I can keep my AC as cold as I want it and not worry about the bill. And I get breakfast, lunch and dinner at the dining hall Monday-Friday. So this is the perfect time to save money on food, right?

TRUTH: It's called the "Freshman Fifteen" for a REASON! Seriously! I didn't live in the dorms in college, so this is a new experience for me. First, it's ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT. There is usually a hot meal, like today's lunch choice: chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes and gravy, corn (guarantee it's been cooked in tons of butter) or green beans with bacon. Or I could eat pizza, or a burger and fries. Or salad--iceburg lettuce mix, black olives, baby corn, cherry tomatoes, carrots, and either Ranch or Italian dressing (no low-fat or fat-free options). Then there's the cookies and banana bread, cake, soda fountain, and my personal favorite, the ice cream freezer--huge vats of Blue Bell Ice Cream-cookies n cream, vanilla, mint chocolate chip, chocolate, butter crunch, or rainbow sherbet. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO RESIST THIS??? Well, I have come to the conclusion that I CAN'T resist it. So, the only other choice is to stop eating in the cafeteria. I brought my little refrigerator that I usually keep in my classroom. I also brought my blender with me. So, for the rest of camp (2 1/2 weeks) I am NOT going to eat in the cafeteria. At all. I am going to make protein shakes (hence the blender) or have yogurt for breakfast, make sandwiches and string cheese and fruit for lunch, and find other things for dinner. Because I simply cannot eat healthy if I go to the cafeteria. The unhealthy options are just too tempting. And the last 3 weeks have proven that I CANNOT resist those temptations. The only meal that I actually have to eat there is lunch, because that's when we're with the campers. But starting tomorrow, I am going to "bring my lunch," just like some of the campers do. Problem SOLVED!

One other comment about the all-you-can-eat thing. I find it very interesting that when I am home, and I carefully measure out my smaller portions, as long as I have a meal that is well balances with veggies, protein, and a small amount of carbs/starch, then I feel full and satisfied when I am done eating. And yet here, when I can have as much as I want, I find myself eating WAY MORE food. I think so much of it is a mental thing. Just knowing I CAN have more seems to make me unsatisfied unless I EAT MORE!!! That's just ridiculous! Avoid all-you-can-eat places at all costs!!!

MYTH #4: You can become a runner (and prepare for a 1/2 marathon in November) by simply visualizing yourself running. This is usually best accomplished while eating some of the Blue Bell Ice Cream mentioned above.

The last month I have been really off my schedule. I was on vacation in Arizona for a week, but I did manage to get in a 1-hour workout at the Y, and also a Zuma class, so it wasn't too bad. I've been at camp for the last 3 weeks and I have worked out all of 3 times. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT!?!?! The crazy part is that there is a really nice trail thing in the back of the campus where I like to run/walk. And yet I've only taken time to exercise 3 times.

TRUTH: I could barely run a mile tonight. ONE MILE?!?!?!? I was up to 4 miles, and now I'm down to just one, and I have to be honest, it was almost more of a "walk with a bounce" than it was a "jog." It was PATHETIC, that's what it was. I am going to be starting hard-core 1/2 marathon training in about a month, and I have GOT to get back on track with running or I will never make it through the marathon. And I LIKE RUNNING! I know that some people hate it, and I can understand how hard it is to make yourself do something you hate. But I actually LIKE to run. I do. So I have GOT to start MAKING time to run 3 days/week again. Visualizing isn't enough. I have to get out and DO IT! Even when it's hot, or raining, or I'm tired, or I have work to do, or any other excuse I come up with. As Nike counsels us, JUST DO IT!

MYTH #5: It's okay to consume tons of candy and gallons of caffeinated drinks when you are stressed out. After all, you are STRESSED, and you DESERVE to take comfort in food when everything around you is falling apart.

These past few weeks have been totally stressful. I have had a lot of challenges with running camp, and pretty much all of them have been things completely out of my control. Whether it was problems with our websites being blocked by the university web filter, or a random power line falling on a perfectly clear and windless day and knocking out power for the entire university (it was actually a nice break to sleep in a hotel instead of the dorms for a night), there have been LOTS of CHALLENGES for me, and I have been feeling very overwhelmed. So, to combat the fatigue and stress, I have been eating candy and drinking soda like it's going out of style. Hence the 7 LBS GAINED!

TRUTH: Life is always going to be stressful. If you make excuses for "letting yourself go," then pretty soon you'll be using any old excuse to justify your bad habit. The truth is, I would probably have dealt with all the stress much better if I had exercised instead of looking to food for comfort. And I have to face the fact that whether it's working at summer camp, teaching, dealing with family issues, dating, disagreeing with friends, etc, there is ALWAYS going to be stress of some kind in life. That is just reality. So, since I know it's always going to be there, I need to find a HEALTHY way to deal with it. Like exercising, or reading a book, or going for a drive. Not consuming 3/4 of a bag of peanut butter M&M's (and I'm NOT talking about the little individual sized bag--I'm talking about an 18 OZ Bag!!!). Now, that's not to say that I can't have a treat now and then. But I cannot abandon all reason and pig out (see MYTH #1). I need to eat carefully controlled and measured treats, not entire bags of chocolate.


Well, I feel better after getting all of that out (and I DID work out tonight--partly because I freaked out when I saw the scale, partly because I felt guilty for not working out for so long, and partly in an attempt to negate the fact that I had ice cream today with BOTH LUNCH AND DINNER!!!). Tomorrow is a new day. Things have gotten a little out of control these past few weeks, but I can't dwell on that too much. After all, I've got an extra 7 lbs to lose, so I BETTER GET CRACKING!

Rather than debate whether or not I can have my cake and eat it too, I think I'll take a page out of Sampson's book. When I see temptation, I'm going to lace up my Aasics and literally START RUNNING! :-)

Excuse me, Waiter? I'd like a large order of Perspective, please.

I am my own worst enemy. No matter how many good things I do or accomplish, I seem to see only the things that I have yet to achieve...the things that are still just out of my reach. And I think that it's safe to assume I am not the only one who does this.

I had an interesting experience the other day. I was going through my closet, and trying to figure out what I was going to pack for a trip home. I knew some of the clothes that I wanted to take, and on impulse, started trying things on. The results truly astounded me. But before I get to the results, please allow me to digress for just a minute...

Since I have started my NEW LIFE, focusing on eating healthy, working out, and becoming more fit, I have set different goals for myself, goals that would stretch me and really make me work. For example, when I started the Couch to 5K training program, I signed up for the Blue Bell Fun run and set the goal of running the ENTIRE race, no matter how slow I went. And I did it! I remember how great it felt to cross that finish line, knowing that I had run the entire 3.1 miles! I had also set a weight goal for the race, and I was 5 lbs UNDER my goal, which totally ROCKED! I was feeling great.

So, I decided I needed something else--another challenge. I thought of a pair of jeans that I have kept in the back of my closet for about 7 years now (the tags were still on them--can you believe it!?!?). They are my "skinny skinny" jeans...I bought them ages ago as an incentive to lose weight, as they were a size smaller than I was at the time. Well, instead of losing that size, as the years went by, I actually went UP a size. So, when I looked at my "skinny skinny" jeans they were a full 2 sizes smaller than what I wore (at the beginning of January).

Well, I decided that my new goal was to be able to wear these "skinny skinny" jeans on the plane when I fly home to Arizona to see my family (June 7th). I set my goal about a month and a half ago, knowing that I would have to work hard to be able to look good in those jeans (at that time I had already lost one pants size, and needed to lose one more to fit into these "skinny skinny" jeans). I have tried them on periodically, and have seen the progress from "can't even get them over my hips" to "might be able to button them if I lay flat in my bed and don't breathe."

Well, as I was looking in my closet yesterday, planning what I need to take on the plane with me tomorrow, I decided to try on my "skinny skinny" jeans again. And guess what?!? They still DON'T fit! I'm so close, but really need to lose another 8-10 lbs before I'll feel comfortable wearing them (I REFUSE to be a MUFFIN TOP!!!).

Now at first, this was a little disappointing. I mean, I had met my previous goals through hard work and dedication, so I was really bummed that I hadn't succeeded this time. I blamed it on the stress of work the past few weeks, on my poor eating habits (did I mention that I ate like 12 cookies the other day?), and my less-than-enthusiastic workouts (I've been running less and walking more).

But then, a funny thing happened. I was putting together another outfit, with a pretty dark pinkish maroon shirt that has always been a "skinny" shirt. I tried it on and to my astonishment it looked horrible...because it was TOO BIG! It just hung on me and was not flattering at all. I couldn't believe it!!! This was a shirt that I only wore when I was having a "skinny" day, because with it's clingy fabric, it showed every roll and imperfection. And now I've had to add it to my Goodwill bag, because it's too big. I tried on a few other seldom worn blouses, found that they were also too big, and added them to the Goodwill bag as well.

On a whim, I pulled out my old dress pants, the ones that I was wearing to work a mere 5 months ago. When I tried them on I looked like a little kid playing dress-up with her mom's old clothes. They looked terrible! And they used to be pretty tight on me. My own clothes were hanging off me, and my new body was literally drowning in excess fabric.

And yet here I was, berating myself because I couldn't quite fit into my "skinny skinny" jeans. I mean, come on!!! I've lost over 50 lbs, gone down 2 pants sizes, found my lost collarbones, and all I can see is one lousy pair of pants that I can't quite squeeze into?!?!? That's ridiculous!

So, after a large order of PERSPECTIVE, I put the "skinny skinny" jeans back into the closet, there to wait for a few more weeks while I work on shedding those 8-10 lbs that will allow me to look FABULOUS in them! And in the mean time, instead of anguishing over my ONE failed goal, I'm going to celebrate my success...staring with a shopping spree to buy some clothes that ACTUALLY fit!

Who's afraid of the Big Bad SUCCESS?

For the past month or so, I have been at what weight-loss experts call a "plateau." I haven't lost much weight, and have been struggling to stay on track. I find this very interesting for several reasons, and I have learned that my battle and the factors affecting my weight loss (or lack thereof) are far more MENTAL than they are PHYSICAL. While I understand that a certain amount of "plateau" is to be expected when losing weight, I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I am my own worst enemy in this struggle.

I have been overweight my whole life, all 31 years of it. I think back to high school, especially my senior year when I was in the best shape of my life. I remember thinking how I was "fat" and "huge" and how, compared to my much shorter, much thinner friends, I basically felt like a GIANT OAF. When I looked in the mirror all I saw was this HUGE, OVER-SIZED person. When things didn't go my way, when I didn't get asked to the dance by the guy I liked, when I sat home on a Friday night, when I was overlooked and ignored, I blamed it all on the GIANT OAF that I saw every time I looked in the mirror.

I mean, I knew that I was smart, funny, a great cook, witty, and adventurous. I was a loyal friend and a good, God-fearing church-going girl. I had strong morals. I had ambition--I wanted to help the world, and knew that I could accomplish anything (academically) that I put my mind to. I could find only one reason for my social failures...and that was the GIANT OAF that I saw in the mirror.

Well, 4 months ago I decided to take control of my life, and to rid myself of GIANT OAF, my mortal enemy, forever. For goodness sakes, all of my problems are a result of GIANT OAF. All of the times when I've felt uncomfortable in my own skin, the rationalizations that I've made, the reason I haven't participated in sporting events or gone hiking, the times that I have been overlooked in a social scene--those are all GIANT OAF's fault. And GIANT OAF is definitely responsible for the failed relationships with guys...I mean, who in the world would want to date a GIANT OAF?!?!?

So, here's the thing. About a month ago, I reached a wonderful milestone. I stepped on the scale and realized that I had lost 50 LBS!!! I was ecstatic! I was so proud of all of my hard work, and when I looked in the mirror, I started to see new things...like my COLLAR BONES, for one. And I noticed some definition in my arms and my legs. When I would go to the store, I would look at a shirt and think "surely I can't fit into that--it's too small." Then, I would try it on and to my surprise it would fit! I would try on old clothes and they would hang off me. Life was good. Heck, life was GREAT! When I looked in the mirror, GIANT OAF seemed to be fading....

And just when I was really on the road to success, things started to change. I found myself unable to control my food cravings. I started eating junk food--stuff I had sworn off for 4 months. I still worked out, but I had lost my drive, and wasn't pushing myself as hard as had before. I started eating out more, rationalizing unhealthy snacks, turning back to food for comfort. I would get furious with myself, but I couldn't seem to stop. I was (and still am) so close to dropping another pants size, but suddenly, I couldn't seem to discipline myself to lose the last 10 lbs. I would lose 2-3 lbs, then gain 1-2 back, and have been yo-yoing back and forth around the same weight for over a month. I have reached a barrier that I can't seem to break through.

This has been extremely frustrating, and I have spent hours trying to figure out what is going on, and how to break through this plateau. I have told myself that enough is enough, and that I need to get back to my strict eating and tough workouts. All to no avail. When I look in the mirror, I see GIANT OAF lurking there, just beneath the surface, and finally, I have started to realize that GIANT OAF is NOT the problem. In fact, GIANT OAF is a friend. We've been through everything together. No one understands me quite like GIANT OAF does. GIANT OAF knows my biggest hopes and my biggest fears, and supports me no matter what. In fact, GIANT OAF, being the self-sacrificing scapegoat that she is, quietly takes the blame when my life doesn't turn out the way I want it to. She steps in and take the pressure off me. Failure is what GIANT OAF specializes in.

So that got me thinking...what happens when GIANT OAF is gone forever? The monster in the mirror, the one lurking just beneath the surface, the one that terrifies me more than anything else is not my good friend GIANT OAF. No, the creature of my nightmares, the thing that I am MOST AFRAID OF is SUCCESS.

SUCCESS looks very different from GIANT OAF. SUCCESS is fit and trim. SUCCESS is someone to be noticed. When SUCCESS walks in the door, she will get people's attention. SUCCESS can shop at all kinds of fun stores, because SUCCESS is thin enough to be able to fit into regular-sized clothing, unlike GIANT OAF who can only shop in a few plus-sized stores. SUCCESS is an outrageous flirt, and guys love to be around her. SUCCESS is confident in her looks, is unafraid of buying a bathing suit or going to the beach, and can handle any social situation with ease. SUCCESS is beautiful, athletic, well-dressed, and a social butterfly. SUCCESS is everything I want to be.

SUCCESS is a complete STRANGER.

I have hoped and dreamed about SUCCESS for as long as I can remember. But this is the closest I have been to actually reaching SUCCESS in a very long time. And, to be honest, it scares the heck out of me! All this time I have thought that GIANT OAF was the scary part of my life, but I realize now that I am far more afraid of SUCCESS! Why? Because SUCCESS refuses to be my scapegoat. If things don't work out my way, SUCCESS is not going to step in and take the blame like GIANT OAF did.

If I reach SUCCESS and then experience a personal failure, I will no longer be able to blame that failure on GIANT OAF. That failure will be all MY fault! I will finally have to face the fact that GIANT OAF isn't the cause of my problems... maybe my problems are because of ME.

Well, the time has come to face my fears and to own my life, for good or ill. I am here to say goodbye to both GIANT OAF and SUCCESS. After all, they are just messed-up perceptions that I have of my own self, costumes I put on to try and dress up the REAL ME. I am committed to starting a new life, and that means getting rid of some old friends, or rather, some old excuses.

I have someone I'd like to introduce to everyone...here name is Anela. Just Anela.

Got any bite-sized runs?

Have you ever tried to run 4 miles straight? I have. And it's not as easy as it looks. Many of you know that I started running about 4 months ago. Since I was very overweight and out of shape, I knew that I would have to start slowly. The first few weeks I just walked, 3-4 times a week, usually 3-4 miles. Then, I started running using Robert Ullrey's Couch to 5K podcast.

http://www.ullreys.com/robert/Podcasts/

His podcast is AWESOME. I downloaded it to my iPod, and followed the program religiously, running only 3 days per week with at least 1 resting day in between. However, I usually did an additional day of walking to continue to get my body in shape ( I also started working out with weights 2-3 times/week). I had a goal in mind. I wanted to compete in the Blue Bell Fun run on April 17. My goal: run the ENTIRE race, without walking at all.

Now, when I first started, I was pumped. I looked forward to each running session, and I can remember being amazed and super proud after completing my first 5-minute run during week 4! After that, there were a few days here and there that I didn't really "feel" like running, but I knew that I had to keep on schedule if I wanted to work up to my 5K by April 17. The longest run I did before the race was a 30 minute run, but since I run only a 12-minute mile (on the treadmill), this was only 2 1/2 miles. I was hoping that adrenaline and sheer determination would get me through the finish line on race day.

AND IT DID!!!

I am proud to say that I met my goal--I ran the whole 5K, hills and all! My time was 42:36, which isn't stellar, but I made it! I was very proud of my accomplishment. I went home all fired up to improve my time, as I was signed up for another 5K on May 1.

And then it hit. The running Blues. I had accomplished my first goal, and after that, I lost intensity in my workouts. I wanted to push myself farther, and work up to running 4 miles. But when I went to the gym, I couldn't even go 3 miles anymore. I felt like I had regressed, and my heart just wasn't in it anymore. I pushed through it as much as possible for those two weeks, and still put in good workouts, but I wasn't pushing myself to the limit. I felt like I had the right to take it easy, so I didn't stress too much about it.

May 1 dawned, and it was the first really humid day we'd had here in Houston this spring. I started the run with the goal of finishing in under 40 minutes, which would be shaving 2 1/2 minutes off my previous time. I figured, hey, I ran the whole race two weeks ago, this should be a piece of cake. Only it wasn't! It was horrible. The humidity sapped my strength and made me sweat even more than normal (which is saying something, since I sweat like a freaking beast!!!). I felt like I was drowning in the air. I hit mile 1 and had to stop and walk. The course went through a neighborhood, so I would run a few blocks, and then walk a few. I tried to keep my walking pace very brusque, and made myself keep running, if only in short spurts. I still felt good, and was confident that my last mile would be under the 40 minute mark.

To be honest, I don't know what my finishing time was. I managed to muster up some final strength and will power and ran (jog would be a better term) the last few hundred yards. This was a local race, so with no timing chips, I don't really know what my race time was. The finish line was backed way up, because they were making people file through single-file (so the officials could write down each racing number), and it was several seconds before I could even find the clock. When I finally found it, the time was 40:51, but I will still claim that I ran the actual race in under 40 minutes, since I was at the back of the starting line, and couldn't find the clock for several seconds at the finish. Either way, my time has improved, which was good.

I went home, high on the adrenaline of another race, and promptly signed up for ANOTHER 5K on May 29. I was sure that this would help to motivate me in my workouts, and bring the intensity back to running.

Only it didn't. I spent the first week after the race searching for excuses not to run. I was just tired. And busy. It's the end of the school year, there's so much to do. Blah. Blah. Blah. And worst of all, I couldn't seem to duplicate in the gym what I could do in the races. I'd be on the treadmill, and just give up after 2 or 2 1/2 miles. I just couldn't seem to get it together. I was very discouraged, and wondering how I could have lost my love of running.

And then, I did something that has changed my life, and changed my running. I had been reading about Jeff Galloway's "run-walk-run" method, and decided to try it out for myself. Basically, Jeff (a very famous marathoner, writer, and Olympian) says that during your runs, you should take short walking breaks, to allow your heart-rate to come down briefly and then go back up, and to keep your muscles from fatiguing too quickly. It's also supposed to make your body burn more fat.

So, I put it to the test. I have been wanting to run 4 miles for a while, and hadn't been able to even run 3 since right after the Blue Bell Run. I knew that most of my block was MENTAL, and that I needed to find a way to break through it. Because, physically, I could run 4 miles. Mentally, however, I could not seem to make myself run for 48 minutes straight.

On Wednesday, I started my workout with my 5 minute warm-up walk. Then, I ran a mile, which for me, is 12 minutes. After that, I walked for 2 minutes, and while I was walking I took mental note of how I was feeling, made sure I drank some water, wiped the sweat off my face a little. And then, when my two minutes were up, I ran another mile. Then I took a 2 minute break, hydrated, wiped sweat, and ran a 3rd. Now, I have to say, that when I finished that 3rd mile, I was feeling pretty good. And as I walked for those two minutes, I took inventory, and realized that I felt REALLY good. Good enough to do another. And so I did. I ran 4 miles, with 2 minute breaks between each one. And when it was over, I felt GREAT! Both physically and mentally. I had finally made it through the wall!!!

Now, doing something once does not make it a habit. So, yesterday, I tried the same thing--breaking my run into 1-mile chunks--and guess what. I DID IT AGAIN!!! I ran 4 miles! And at the end, I knew that I had it in me to run another mile or two. My goal this week is to continue to run 4 miles on my two weekday runs, and next Saturday, I'm going for 5 miles!!!

As I've reflected on this MENTAL breakthrough, I realize that running, like other large tasks in life, is most easily managed when broken into smaller, bite-sized chunks.

As the old adage goes:
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!!!

How do you run 4 miles? One mile at a time!

How many calories does it cost to get to Disneyland?

If I want to go to Disneyland on vacation, it will take some serious planning on my part. First, I will have to decide how long I want to be there. Then I'll research airfare, find a reasonably priced hotel to stay in, buy tickets to the park, decide whether or not to purchase a meal plan, and designate a certain amount of money to be used to purchase souvenirs. After I know how much all of this will cost me, I will spend the next several months or even year or two scrimping and saving for that vacation. I will forgo new shoes, cook at home, resist the urge to see new movies in the theater, mend my clothes so they last a while longer, and put all of my money into a savings account so that finally, when I arrive at The Happiest Place On Earth, I can spend it like a madwoman and enjoy every second of it.

Instead of going to Disneyland this year, I have decided that I want to get Skinny. I have researched the cost of this trip, and have been diligently scrimping and saving calories, burning extra fat, and building up a store of muscle. I have gone through my pantry and refrigerator and thrown away tons of food including pasta, rice, candy, cake mixes, saimen (ramen noodles), sausage, and much more. I have shopped with a whole different outlook, substituting celery for chips, broccoli for corn, ground turkey for ground beef, and keeping only a few treats for special occasions (you didn't really think I could give up Blue Bell, did you???). I have been working and planning and saving for the past 4 months. And I am all ready to arrive at my destination...Skinny.

So, am I Skinny yet? I absolutely cannot wait to get there...It's going to be great! I mean, like Disneyland, once I get Skinny all the working and saving are over, and I get to run around and spend all the calories that I've so carefully hoarded, right? I mean, since Skinny is my destination, once I get there, I'll be able to enjoy myself and not have to work and save anymore, right?

Wrong.

Unfortunately, one of the more disillusioning misconceptions that we have is that Skinny or Fit or In Shape are destinations that we arrive at, a place to "while away the hours" and "relax" and "enjoy ourselves," after all of the work is over. If you think "Skinny" is the destination then you're not going to be there for long!

In just a few short months, I have come to realize that Skinny is simply a mode of transportation, a way for me to get from here to my earthly destination, which is ultimately, Death. Now, I most fervently believe in life after death, but what I'm talking about is this life, here on earth. The start is birth, and the destination is death. There are dozens of different ways that we can get from one to the other. I have spent the majority of my life traveling that pathway in the Vehicle called Overweight. Sometimes (back in high school) it's been a smaller Only-Slightly-Overweight-Crossover kind of Vehicle that I've used, and more recently, it's been the Suburban-Sized Overweight Vehicle that has been carrying me on my way, and let me assure you that it's an energy guzzler!

Now, after having traveled through life for 31 years using various sizes of Overweight vehicles, I have decided that it's time for me to trade in. I want a smaller, flashier, energy efficient Vehicle, the kind that attracts attention and can do 0-60mph in less than 10 seconds! I want to the kind of Vehicle what will run races, hike mountains, participate in sporting events, and of course, attract the attention of another shiny racing Vehicle!!!

I also realize that if I truly want to upgrade to this new Skinny Vehicle, it's going to take some planning. First, I'll have to keep working hard and save up for a while before I'll be able to afford Skinny. Once I'm there and I trade in Overweight Vehicle for Skinny, it's going to take daily maintenance to keep Skinny in the best condition. But if I put a little bit of work into her each day, then she could last me the rest of my lifetime! That's more than I can say for my Honda!!!

So, am I Skinny yet? No. Not yet. But I have traded in Suburban-Sized Overweight for my current ride, Just-Regular-Overweight, and in just a few more months, will be upgrading to an Only-Slightly-Overweight Vehicle. I'm hoping I'll be able to afford Skinny by my birthday in December!

And if I do...maybe I'll just take her with me to Disneyland!

Mmmm, pizza sounds good right now...

So, I daydream about food. All the time. I spend my free moments during the day thinking about food. And when I say thinking, I don't just mean a passing thought like "oh yeah, they're serving tacos for lunch." What I'm talking about it a full-on interactive picture in my mind, one where I can zoom in and linger on details like the Feta Cheese on top of the omelet, the chocolate sauce dripping off the ice cream as it melts, the fizzy feeling of an ice-cold Coke Zero as it slides down my esophagus. You get the picture, right? It's probably not as detailed and interactive as my picture, but close enough.

Here's the thing. I realized a while back that for whatever reason, be it genetics, environment, or just 31 years of bad habits, I am always going to think about food. That is just how I am wired, or how I have chosen to wire myself. Food plays a central role in my life. Each day is made up of several acts starring A-listers Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner and Snacks. All the time in between--working, talking with friends, pursuing hobbies, building meaningful relationships, flirting with cute guys (like the one I sometimes see at the gym)--becomes a second-rate filler until it's time for the next Star to perform. As soon as I finish eating something, I think about when I will get to eat next, what I'm having for an afternoon snack, and dinner, and breakfast tomorrow morning...etc.

So, the question becomes, what do I do about this? Do I blame it all on my parents? The media? Society? Fast Food Chains? Do I throw my hands in the air, claim that I was "born this way," that there's "nothing I can do to change," and that it's not "worth the effort?" Well, sure. I can do that. If I want to die young. If I want to continue to be inactive and overweight. If I want food to be the Star of my life.

Or, I can change. I can accept the fact that I think about food all the time, and channel my energy into using those thoughts to be productive. I can formulate a plan. I mean, literally, I can use my foodmindedness to start planning, meal-planning, that is. I can think about food in a productive way, one that will help me be healthy. Right now, I can tell you that for breakfast tomorrow morning, I'm going to have a protein shake with 8 oz of skim milk and 1/2 banana. Then, for my morning snack I am going to have about 1C of strawberries that I bought at Walmart the other night, and a light Yoplait Yogurt (it's always either Banana Cream Pie or Boston Cream Pie Flavored). For lunch, I will have either homemade turkey chili and broccoli, or a turkey sandwich, and my choice will depend on my mood in the morning when I am fixing my lunch and snacks for the day. My afternoon snack will probably be celery and cucumber and 4oz of homemade hummus. Dinner, I'm not sure of yet. I've been debating between a turkey burger or a tuna steak. Right now, I'm not sure which one to fix, but don't you worry. I have plenty of time between now and then to mentally go through my cupboards and inventory my ingredients, and then play around with different recipe ideas (do I go Greek with the turkey burger and use hummus and Kalamata olives, or do I go for the lemon-pepper rub on the tuna steak). There are so many possibilities, and I haven't even started looking online for recipes...

And so that is how I am taking one of my greatest flaws and making it work for me. I spend my days productively planning out my meals, making mental grocery lists, looking up recipes online to get ideas, changing my mind, re-planning my meals, re-doing my shopping lists, and repeating this cycle over and over again. Now, when I think about food, I don't feel bad, because I am thinking about it productively. I am planning awesome culinary adventures, and as a result, I eat out FAR less than I used too. I would rather make it at home, where I can measure exact amounts of ingredients, calculate the calories, make healthy substitutions, add my favorite things, and let my creative juices flow!

And all of my in-between-meals time has become much more meaningful. In fact, Flirting-With-Cute-Guy-At-The-Gym is definitely a Rising Star, and has out-shined former A-Listers Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, and even, Snacks. Life is starting to take over, and food is moving to the background, where it belongs.

So, although pizza does sound good right now, if you'll excuse me, I have figure out what I'm having for dinner tomorrow night.