Baby Got Back...My Journey Towards Developing a CrossFit Booty

Funny how history repeats itself.

I have talked several times on this blog about how I have hesitated to call myself a "runner," because I don't embody the lithe, fast, lean figure that most people associate with that word. When someone thinks of a runner, they do NOT think of a chubby girl lumbering along at a 13-minute mile pace. And yet, a runner I am (or have been in the past).

Well, when I joined CrossFit back in September (2013), I didn't tell anyone (except my family and the few friends who had been bugging me FOREVER to join).

Why not?

Because I was embarrassed.

I knew that people would hear CrossFit and think of a buff girl with defined biceps, a nice round booty and a body-fat percentage in the teens. They would take one look at my pudgy figure, flat butt, jiggly arms, and inability to do even a single regular push-up and think I was joking.

So I hid my CrossFitting, like it was a dirty little secret.

Even at my CrossFit box, I was hesitant and shy--everyone else seemed to be light-years ahead of me in terms of strength and endurance. And while I'm sure none of them were judging me, I was certainly judging myself. I kept comparing what I was doing to what everyone else was doing, so of course, I was coming up short. My lack of confidence made it hard for me to get to know people, at first.

Then I remembered my blog. I remembered going through this very same thing with running--hesitating to really embrace and identify with the sport.

Over the Christmas Holiday, I spent a lot of time reflecting on where I was in life, and where I wanted to be. My birthday came and went. Maybe it was getting a year older that helped me to finally say...

To HELL with what other people think.

My fitness journey is MY journey.  I don't have to fit into any mold or cookie-cutter of OTHER PEOPLE'S expectations.  This is about ME.  Not them.

It felt so liberating to say, in effect, SCREW everyone else.

My attitude changed.

I really began to savor and enjoy my time at my CrossFit box. I started talking to people there. I tried to be really present in workouts, focusing on improving my form and pushing myself to work harder each time. I set some CrossFit goals for this year and am actively working towards them.

So, a few months ago, we ordered sweatshirts for our CrossFit box that have our name and logo on them. I will be honest--I hadn't worn mine outside of the house, because I didn't want to judged by people who would wonder why someone with a body like mine would be wearing CrossFit gear. I was ashamed of myself, not feeling worthy to be associated with CrossFit. I was afraid to share my dirty little CrossFit secret with everyone, unwilling to face their scrutiny.

Last week, for the first time, I worse my CrossFit sweatshirt in public.

I'm not going to lie--it felt GOOD.

I AM a CrossFitter.  I have done the AMRAPs, Burpees, EMOMS, and TABATAs to prove it.  I may not be the fastest, strongest, leanest, or buff-est, but I most definitely AM a CrossFit Athlete.

PS.  One of the goals that I'm working on is to get the BOOTY to prove it!