And the "Runner" is....

Today is the day that I officially claim a title that I have shied away from for months:

I am a RUNNER.

Now why has that been so hard to say?

My running journey began almost 8 months ago, when I decided to use Robert Ullrey's Couch-to-5K podcast as a tool to help me get in shape. I can remember that first run, when, after a warm-up walk of 5 minutes, I ran my first 60-second interval. That first minute didn't seem too long, but after 90 seconds of walking, I had to run another 60 seconds. The second one was okay, but by the 5th interval of running for 60-seconds, I began to realize how long a minute can be, and by the 8th (and last) interval, I was struggling to make my feet keep moving. At that time I was about 50lbs heavier than I currently am, so running really was difficult for me. I had so much extra weight that I was carrying around with me, and it was all my poor body could do to stay upright while my thunder thighs pounded away on my unlucky treadmill.

Weeks went by and I progressed through the program, gradually running for longer and longer intervals. In April, I was thrilled when I completed my first 5K race, running the ENTIRE 3.1 miles. But still, I didn't think of myself as a RUNNER. I mean, RUNNERS aren't super chubby people who bumble along with red faces, sweat pouring off their bodies like rain, huffing and puffing their way through each painful step as their flab giggles around like a giant bowl full of jello. No, surely I, overweight Anela, was not a RUNNER. I was just a girl...who RUNS (or at least attempts to run).

I ran two more 5K races at the beginning and end of May, improving my time each run. But still, I wasn't a RUNNER. I was just someone trying to get better at RUNNING, talking to people at work and convincing them to start training for the San Antonio Rock and Roll 1/2 Marathon in November. With the help of a co-worker, we formed a team for the San Antonio race. I passed along info about Robert Ullrey's podcast and how it helped me to get off my butt and start working on getting in shape. Several others at work caught the vision, and we started talking distances and training schedules in the hallway, shoes and trails at lunch, magazines and newfangled running gadgets after school.

Yet, I still didn't see myself as a RUNNER. After all, a RUNNER doesn't miss runs when she's stressed out, a RUNNER isn't tempted to say "to heck with it" and overindulge in chips and guacamole, a RUNNER doesn't go for days or sometimes weeks without working out, a RUNNER would never, ever lose motivation and wallow in her own self-pity. Not a RUNNER.

At the end of the summer, I definitely knew that I wasn't a RUNNER. After all, my summer had been completely and totally crazy, and my workouts were sporadic at best. My thoughts were confirmed when I was having dinner with some friends, and I told them I was training for a 1/2 marathon in November. They looked at my incredulously and asked, "have you started training yet?" Well, at that point I felt stupid saying that I had been running for months, and this conversation only confirmed my belief that I could never be a RUNNER. If people practically fell out of their seats when they heard I was going to run a race, then they were only reinforcing that what I see in the mirror every day is definitely NOT a RUNNER...it's just a girl trying to make herself get out there and RUN.

Last week, I went and got fitted for running shoes at Luke's Locker. I had my stride analyzed by an expert who had me try on several different pairs of shoes until she found just the right one for my feet. I bought new dri-fit running pants and a sports bra, a fuel belt (it has 4 small water bottles and a little pouch to keep keys and/or energy gels), and even bought two different kinds of energy gel to try out. All of those new toys, along with my awesome Garmin Forerunner 305 watch, which tracks heart rate, speed, distance, calories burned, and more, almost made me believe that I was a RUNNER.

Almost.

But I felt like an impostor. Surely if people saw me running (and I use the word "running" in a loose sense...it's really more of a jog) on the street with all my fancy gear, they would be thinking "Why in the world does that chubby girl need all those gadgets to shuffle along at that miserably slow pace?" In fact, in the past two months, as training for the 1/2 marathon has really kicked in, I find myself making excuses for and feeling the need to clarify what I mean when I say that I RAN 5 miles, or I RAN Thursday night. When people comment on it or ask about it (and I assure you they always do so in a kind and supportive way), I, in a fit of self-consciousness, feel the need to explain,"Well, I don't really RUN the WHOLE time, you know. I use the RUN/WALK method...I RUN for 2 minutes and then WALK for 1 minutes...and I'm really slow..." The excuses keep tripping out of my mouth because I wouldn't want people to get confused and think that I am a RUNNER.

After all, a RUNNER doesn't have 60 more lbs to lose. A RUNNER doesn't have to stop and walk every 2 minutes. A RUNNER has long, lean muscles, can pound the pavement for miles at a time, barely breaking a sweat, with smooth even breaths. A runner looks good in anything and can shop at any store, because a RUNNER'S body is slim and toned. A RUNNER is NOT what I see in the mirror...

Until this morning. As I rolled out of bed to eat breakfast at 6:20 on a Saturday morning, I realized that I was thrilled to be awake, munching on a banana and downing some yogurt. I checked the weather noting that 55 degrees was a great starting temperature for my run. I changed into all my fancy running gear, filling two water bottles on my fuel belt with Gatorade and two with water. I checked to make sure I had my Gu energy gel, excited to try it for the first time. I stepped outside into the crisp morning air, turned my watch on, stretching a little bit while it hooked up to the satellite, and then I was off.

I forgot my sunglasses, but that was okay. I had never run in my neighborhood before, but this morning I decided to just go wherever the wind took me. It felt great being outside, and I was surprised at how strong I felt, how my pace seemed faster, even after 4 or 5 miles. When I ripped open the Gu packet, I thought "this is what a RUNNER feels like," fueling up to go the distance. I keep going, even after I fell while crossing a median. I was amazed at what good time I was making. I hit the 6 mile mark, and whether it was the Gu, or me, I was ready to keep going. I thought that those last 2 miles were going to kill me, but I ENJOYED running them. I kept glancing down at my watch to check my pace and was shocked at how fast I was still going.

And then, around mile 7.5, I realized...I was having the time of my life. I DIDN'T WANT TO STOP! My run was almost over, but I wanted to go farther. I was loving the weather, the morning sunshine, the feel of how strong my body seemed. I couldn't believe that I still WAS going. As I walked towards my apartment at the end of my run, I realized that on this morning, I had crossed over some invisible barrier in my mind.

I realized that I AM A RUNNER!

And you know what, I HAVE BEEN A RUNNER, ever since that first day that I started the couch-to-5K podcast. It wasn't other people that I needed to convince--it was myself.

Now I understand that RUNNERS come in all shapes and sizes, they have flabby arms, cellulite on their legs, they sometimes eat too much ice cream, they occasionally stress out and miss workouts. Runners have days of rebellion when they just don't want to run. RUNNERS wear all kinds of different gear--everything from ratty sneakers and old sweatshirts to state-of-the-art shoes and GPS watches. Some RUNNERS can go for miles without stopping, while others take frequent walking breaks. The one thing that all RUNNERS have in common is that they RUN. However fast or slow, in whatever different sneakers or sports bras, in the morning or at night, daily, weekly, or monthly, in Texas or Tahiti, RUNNERS are people who get out there and RUN.

I AM a RUNNER. And I HAVE BEEN one--all along!