How many calories does it cost to get to Disneyland?

If I want to go to Disneyland on vacation, it will take some serious planning on my part. First, I will have to decide how long I want to be there. Then I'll research airfare, find a reasonably priced hotel to stay in, buy tickets to the park, decide whether or not to purchase a meal plan, and designate a certain amount of money to be used to purchase souvenirs. After I know how much all of this will cost me, I will spend the next several months or even year or two scrimping and saving for that vacation. I will forgo new shoes, cook at home, resist the urge to see new movies in the theater, mend my clothes so they last a while longer, and put all of my money into a savings account so that finally, when I arrive at The Happiest Place On Earth, I can spend it like a madwoman and enjoy every second of it.

Instead of going to Disneyland this year, I have decided that I want to get Skinny. I have researched the cost of this trip, and have been diligently scrimping and saving calories, burning extra fat, and building up a store of muscle. I have gone through my pantry and refrigerator and thrown away tons of food including pasta, rice, candy, cake mixes, saimen (ramen noodles), sausage, and much more. I have shopped with a whole different outlook, substituting celery for chips, broccoli for corn, ground turkey for ground beef, and keeping only a few treats for special occasions (you didn't really think I could give up Blue Bell, did you???). I have been working and planning and saving for the past 4 months. And I am all ready to arrive at my destination...Skinny.

So, am I Skinny yet? I absolutely cannot wait to get there...It's going to be great! I mean, like Disneyland, once I get Skinny all the working and saving are over, and I get to run around and spend all the calories that I've so carefully hoarded, right? I mean, since Skinny is my destination, once I get there, I'll be able to enjoy myself and not have to work and save anymore, right?

Wrong.

Unfortunately, one of the more disillusioning misconceptions that we have is that Skinny or Fit or In Shape are destinations that we arrive at, a place to "while away the hours" and "relax" and "enjoy ourselves," after all of the work is over. If you think "Skinny" is the destination then you're not going to be there for long!

In just a few short months, I have come to realize that Skinny is simply a mode of transportation, a way for me to get from here to my earthly destination, which is ultimately, Death. Now, I most fervently believe in life after death, but what I'm talking about is this life, here on earth. The start is birth, and the destination is death. There are dozens of different ways that we can get from one to the other. I have spent the majority of my life traveling that pathway in the Vehicle called Overweight. Sometimes (back in high school) it's been a smaller Only-Slightly-Overweight-Crossover kind of Vehicle that I've used, and more recently, it's been the Suburban-Sized Overweight Vehicle that has been carrying me on my way, and let me assure you that it's an energy guzzler!

Now, after having traveled through life for 31 years using various sizes of Overweight vehicles, I have decided that it's time for me to trade in. I want a smaller, flashier, energy efficient Vehicle, the kind that attracts attention and can do 0-60mph in less than 10 seconds! I want to the kind of Vehicle what will run races, hike mountains, participate in sporting events, and of course, attract the attention of another shiny racing Vehicle!!!

I also realize that if I truly want to upgrade to this new Skinny Vehicle, it's going to take some planning. First, I'll have to keep working hard and save up for a while before I'll be able to afford Skinny. Once I'm there and I trade in Overweight Vehicle for Skinny, it's going to take daily maintenance to keep Skinny in the best condition. But if I put a little bit of work into her each day, then she could last me the rest of my lifetime! That's more than I can say for my Honda!!!

So, am I Skinny yet? No. Not yet. But I have traded in Suburban-Sized Overweight for my current ride, Just-Regular-Overweight, and in just a few more months, will be upgrading to an Only-Slightly-Overweight Vehicle. I'm hoping I'll be able to afford Skinny by my birthday in December!

And if I do...maybe I'll just take her with me to Disneyland!