Excuse me, Waiter? I'd like a large order of Perspective, please.

I am my own worst enemy. No matter how many good things I do or accomplish, I seem to see only the things that I have yet to achieve...the things that are still just out of my reach. And I think that it's safe to assume I am not the only one who does this.

I had an interesting experience the other day. I was going through my closet, and trying to figure out what I was going to pack for a trip home. I knew some of the clothes that I wanted to take, and on impulse, started trying things on. The results truly astounded me. But before I get to the results, please allow me to digress for just a minute...

Since I have started my NEW LIFE, focusing on eating healthy, working out, and becoming more fit, I have set different goals for myself, goals that would stretch me and really make me work. For example, when I started the Couch to 5K training program, I signed up for the Blue Bell Fun run and set the goal of running the ENTIRE race, no matter how slow I went. And I did it! I remember how great it felt to cross that finish line, knowing that I had run the entire 3.1 miles! I had also set a weight goal for the race, and I was 5 lbs UNDER my goal, which totally ROCKED! I was feeling great.

So, I decided I needed something else--another challenge. I thought of a pair of jeans that I have kept in the back of my closet for about 7 years now (the tags were still on them--can you believe it!?!?). They are my "skinny skinny" jeans...I bought them ages ago as an incentive to lose weight, as they were a size smaller than I was at the time. Well, instead of losing that size, as the years went by, I actually went UP a size. So, when I looked at my "skinny skinny" jeans they were a full 2 sizes smaller than what I wore (at the beginning of January).

Well, I decided that my new goal was to be able to wear these "skinny skinny" jeans on the plane when I fly home to Arizona to see my family (June 7th). I set my goal about a month and a half ago, knowing that I would have to work hard to be able to look good in those jeans (at that time I had already lost one pants size, and needed to lose one more to fit into these "skinny skinny" jeans). I have tried them on periodically, and have seen the progress from "can't even get them over my hips" to "might be able to button them if I lay flat in my bed and don't breathe."

Well, as I was looking in my closet yesterday, planning what I need to take on the plane with me tomorrow, I decided to try on my "skinny skinny" jeans again. And guess what?!? They still DON'T fit! I'm so close, but really need to lose another 8-10 lbs before I'll feel comfortable wearing them (I REFUSE to be a MUFFIN TOP!!!).

Now at first, this was a little disappointing. I mean, I had met my previous goals through hard work and dedication, so I was really bummed that I hadn't succeeded this time. I blamed it on the stress of work the past few weeks, on my poor eating habits (did I mention that I ate like 12 cookies the other day?), and my less-than-enthusiastic workouts (I've been running less and walking more).

But then, a funny thing happened. I was putting together another outfit, with a pretty dark pinkish maroon shirt that has always been a "skinny" shirt. I tried it on and to my astonishment it looked horrible...because it was TOO BIG! It just hung on me and was not flattering at all. I couldn't believe it!!! This was a shirt that I only wore when I was having a "skinny" day, because with it's clingy fabric, it showed every roll and imperfection. And now I've had to add it to my Goodwill bag, because it's too big. I tried on a few other seldom worn blouses, found that they were also too big, and added them to the Goodwill bag as well.

On a whim, I pulled out my old dress pants, the ones that I was wearing to work a mere 5 months ago. When I tried them on I looked like a little kid playing dress-up with her mom's old clothes. They looked terrible! And they used to be pretty tight on me. My own clothes were hanging off me, and my new body was literally drowning in excess fabric.

And yet here I was, berating myself because I couldn't quite fit into my "skinny skinny" jeans. I mean, come on!!! I've lost over 50 lbs, gone down 2 pants sizes, found my lost collarbones, and all I can see is one lousy pair of pants that I can't quite squeeze into?!?!? That's ridiculous!

So, after a large order of PERSPECTIVE, I put the "skinny skinny" jeans back into the closet, there to wait for a few more weeks while I work on shedding those 8-10 lbs that will allow me to look FABULOUS in them! And in the mean time, instead of anguishing over my ONE failed goal, I'm going to celebrate my success...staring with a shopping spree to buy some clothes that ACTUALLY fit!