Today is the day that I officially claim a title that I have shied away from for months:
I am a RUNNER.
Now why has that been so hard to say?
My running journey began almost 8 months ago, when I decided to use Robert Ullrey's Couch-to-5K podcast as a tool to help me get in shape. I can remember that first run, when, after a warm-up walk of 5 minutes, I ran my first 60-second interval. That first minute didn't seem too long, but after 90 seconds of walking, I had to run another 60 seconds. The second one was okay, but by the 5th interval of running for 60-seconds, I began to realize how long a minute can be, and by the 8th (and last) interval, I was struggling to make my feet keep moving. At that time I was about 50lbs heavier than I currently am, so running really was difficult for me. I had so much extra weight that I was carrying around with me, and it was all my poor body could do to stay upright while my thunder thighs pounded away on my unlucky treadmill.
Weeks went by and I progressed through the program, gradually running for longer and longer intervals. In April, I was thrilled when I completed my first 5K race, running the ENTIRE 3.1 miles. But still, I didn't think of myself as a RUNNER. I mean, RUNNERS aren't super chubby people who bumble along with red faces, sweat pouring off their bodies like rain, huffing and puffing their way through each painful step as their flab giggles around like a giant bowl full of jello. No, surely I, overweight Anela, was not a RUNNER. I was just a girl...who RUNS (or at least attempts to run).
I ran two more 5K races at the beginning and end of May, improving my time each run. But still, I wasn't a RUNNER. I was just someone trying to get better at RUNNING, talking to people at work and convincing them to start training for the San Antonio Rock and Roll 1/2 Marathon in November. With the help of a co-worker, we formed a team for the San Antonio race. I passed along info about Robert Ullrey's podcast and how it helped me to get off my butt and start working on getting in shape. Several others at work caught the vision, and we started talking distances and training schedules in the hallway, shoes and trails at lunch, magazines and newfangled running gadgets after school.
Yet, I still didn't see myself as a RUNNER. After all, a RUNNER doesn't miss runs when she's stressed out, a RUNNER isn't tempted to say "to heck with it" and overindulge in chips and guacamole, a RUNNER doesn't go for days or sometimes weeks without working out, a RUNNER would never, ever lose motivation and wallow in her own self-pity. Not a RUNNER.
At the end of the summer, I definitely knew that I wasn't a RUNNER. After all, my summer had been completely and totally crazy, and my workouts were sporadic at best. My thoughts were confirmed when I was having dinner with some friends, and I told them I was training for a 1/2 marathon in November. They looked at my incredulously and asked, "have you started training yet?" Well, at that point I felt stupid saying that I had been running for months, and this conversation only confirmed my belief that I could never be a RUNNER. If people practically fell out of their seats when they heard I was going to run a race, then they were only reinforcing that what I see in the mirror every day is definitely NOT a RUNNER...it's just a girl trying to make herself get out there and RUN.
Last week, I went and got fitted for running shoes at Luke's Locker. I had my stride analyzed by an expert who had me try on several different pairs of shoes until she found just the right one for my feet. I bought new dri-fit running pants and a sports bra, a fuel belt (it has 4 small water bottles and a little pouch to keep keys and/or energy gels), and even bought two different kinds of energy gel to try out. All of those new toys, along with my awesome Garmin Forerunner 305 watch, which tracks heart rate, speed, distance, calories burned, and more, almost made me believe that I was a RUNNER.
Almost.
But I felt like an impostor. Surely if people saw me running (and I use the word "running" in a loose sense...it's really more of a jog) on the street with all my fancy gear, they would be thinking "Why in the world does that chubby girl need all those gadgets to shuffle along at that miserably slow pace?" In fact, in the past two months, as training for the 1/2 marathon has really kicked in, I find myself making excuses for and feeling the need to clarify what I mean when I say that I RAN 5 miles, or I RAN Thursday night. When people comment on it or ask about it (and I assure you they always do so in a kind and supportive way), I, in a fit of self-consciousness, feel the need to explain,"Well, I don't really RUN the WHOLE time, you know. I use the RUN/WALK method...I RUN for 2 minutes and then WALK for 1 minutes...and I'm really slow..." The excuses keep tripping out of my mouth because I wouldn't want people to get confused and think that I am a RUNNER.
After all, a RUNNER doesn't have 60 more lbs to lose. A RUNNER doesn't have to stop and walk every 2 minutes. A RUNNER has long, lean muscles, can pound the pavement for miles at a time, barely breaking a sweat, with smooth even breaths. A runner looks good in anything and can shop at any store, because a RUNNER'S body is slim and toned. A RUNNER is NOT what I see in the mirror...
Until this morning. As I rolled out of bed to eat breakfast at 6:20 on a Saturday morning, I realized that I was thrilled to be awake, munching on a banana and downing some yogurt. I checked the weather noting that 55 degrees was a great starting temperature for my run. I changed into all my fancy running gear, filling two water bottles on my fuel belt with Gatorade and two with water. I checked to make sure I had my Gu energy gel, excited to try it for the first time. I stepped outside into the crisp morning air, turned my watch on, stretching a little bit while it hooked up to the satellite, and then I was off.
I forgot my sunglasses, but that was okay. I had never run in my neighborhood before, but this morning I decided to just go wherever the wind took me. It felt great being outside, and I was surprised at how strong I felt, how my pace seemed faster, even after 4 or 5 miles. When I ripped open the Gu packet, I thought "this is what a RUNNER feels like," fueling up to go the distance. I keep going, even after I fell while crossing a median. I was amazed at what good time I was making. I hit the 6 mile mark, and whether it was the Gu, or me, I was ready to keep going. I thought that those last 2 miles were going to kill me, but I ENJOYED running them. I kept glancing down at my watch to check my pace and was shocked at how fast I was still going.
And then, around mile 7.5, I realized...I was having the time of my life. I DIDN'T WANT TO STOP! My run was almost over, but I wanted to go farther. I was loving the weather, the morning sunshine, the feel of how strong my body seemed. I couldn't believe that I still WAS going. As I walked towards my apartment at the end of my run, I realized that on this morning, I had crossed over some invisible barrier in my mind.
I realized that I AM A RUNNER!
And you know what, I HAVE BEEN A RUNNER, ever since that first day that I started the couch-to-5K podcast. It wasn't other people that I needed to convince--it was myself.
Now I understand that RUNNERS come in all shapes and sizes, they have flabby arms, cellulite on their legs, they sometimes eat too much ice cream, they occasionally stress out and miss workouts. Runners have days of rebellion when they just don't want to run. RUNNERS wear all kinds of different gear--everything from ratty sneakers and old sweatshirts to state-of-the-art shoes and GPS watches. Some RUNNERS can go for miles without stopping, while others take frequent walking breaks. The one thing that all RUNNERS have in common is that they RUN. However fast or slow, in whatever different sneakers or sports bras, in the morning or at night, daily, weekly, or monthly, in Texas or Tahiti, RUNNERS are people who get out there and RUN.
I AM a RUNNER. And I HAVE BEEN one--all along!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Fighting the Funk
I don't know if anyone else out there watches NBC's "The Biggest Loser," but I personally find it to be one of the most inspiring shows on television. And yes, I cry like a dang baby all through each and every episode. Why? Because I know exactly how these people feel, only I don't have Bob and Jillian there to scream at me and make me face my issues. I have to find a way to FIGHT the FUNK all on my own.
As I recently wrote, I've been in a bit of a FUNK lately. Anyone who has dealt with obesity and weight issues knows it's far more MENTAL and EMOTIONAL than it is PHYSICAL. So my journey is all about identifying unhealthy MENTAL and EMOTIONAL things and fixing them so they stop negatively impacting my PHYSICAL well-being.
One thing that I have realized I tend to do when stressed out is to eat. And it's not like I crave a nice healthy bowl of fruit, or a low-fat salad, or crisp veggies. When I am stressed I want high-calorie food and I want it NOW! I find that very interesting. I was thinking about why I crave those horrible foods and then it hit me. I'm no medical expert, but I know that eating food produces endorphins and things in our brains. So when I am stressed and want to escape from the pain or the fear or whatever, I eat. And I mean, I shovel food down like a mindless machine. I eat, and eat, and eat.
Why?
Because I am trying to NUMB the pain or emotions that I am feeling. FOOD, in large quantities (particularly large quantities of the super-fattening variety) NUMBS my mind and my emotions, and offers a brief escape from the pains of life.
Reflecting on NUMBNESS reminds me of a time in my life when things were not so good for me, spiritually. For a long time, I was NUMB, unable to really feel or process emotions. The good part of being emotionally NUMB is that I was no longer able to feel pain. The bad part, though, of being NUMB is that I also lost the ability to feel joy or happiness. I remember months and months of just feeling nothing. After all the pain that I had felt, initially being NUMB was a relief. However, as time when on, I realized how much I was missing out on by my inability to feel. And how much I wanted my life back...the good and the bad.
I am slowly starting to realize that this same concept is true when it comes to FOOD. When I mindlessly sit at the table, eating spoonful after spoonful of fattening food, I am trying to bury the pain or stress or fear that I'm experiencing. But the NUMBNESS that comes with overeating also masks the joy and exhilaration of the good things in life.
So part of FIGHTING the FUNK means allowing myself to feel and taste (forgive the pun) all of life, the good and the bad. I cannot let food take over and NUMB my experiences, but rather use food, like a spice, to enhance the already rich flavors of my life. It is possible to eat and enjoy life without succumbing to temptation of overeating myself into a NUMB stupor.
A major reason that I am writing this blog is to be accountable to myself, and to the few people who read this, for my actions. I'm not on "The Biggest Loser." I don't have personal trainers like Bob and Jillian here to make sure I work out and eat properly. I don't have a house full of other contestants watching every bite I take. I don't have cameras rolling, streaming my calorie choices into million of households. I am beholden to no one.
Which is why I am here, baring my soul as a record and a testament of who I am, my struggles, my setbacks, my triumphs, my disappointments, my realizations, my ups and my downs. Maybe, just maybe, something that I say will resonate with someone else out there, and then it won't just be me changing my life--it will be two of us. And then three. And then four. And then maybe, someday, a whole lot more people will be LIVING their lives, instead of trying to NUMB themselves through their time on earth.
It's time to shake off the shackles of NUMBNESS. Don't be afraid of the pains of life, because experiencing the pains, frustrations and disappointments will make the successes and triumphs soooo much SWEETER. And we're talking calorie-free SWEET--the very best kind!
As I recently wrote, I've been in a bit of a FUNK lately. Anyone who has dealt with obesity and weight issues knows it's far more MENTAL and EMOTIONAL than it is PHYSICAL. So my journey is all about identifying unhealthy MENTAL and EMOTIONAL things and fixing them so they stop negatively impacting my PHYSICAL well-being.
One thing that I have realized I tend to do when stressed out is to eat. And it's not like I crave a nice healthy bowl of fruit, or a low-fat salad, or crisp veggies. When I am stressed I want high-calorie food and I want it NOW! I find that very interesting. I was thinking about why I crave those horrible foods and then it hit me. I'm no medical expert, but I know that eating food produces endorphins and things in our brains. So when I am stressed and want to escape from the pain or the fear or whatever, I eat. And I mean, I shovel food down like a mindless machine. I eat, and eat, and eat.
Why?
Because I am trying to NUMB the pain or emotions that I am feeling. FOOD, in large quantities (particularly large quantities of the super-fattening variety) NUMBS my mind and my emotions, and offers a brief escape from the pains of life.
Reflecting on NUMBNESS reminds me of a time in my life when things were not so good for me, spiritually. For a long time, I was NUMB, unable to really feel or process emotions. The good part of being emotionally NUMB is that I was no longer able to feel pain. The bad part, though, of being NUMB is that I also lost the ability to feel joy or happiness. I remember months and months of just feeling nothing. After all the pain that I had felt, initially being NUMB was a relief. However, as time when on, I realized how much I was missing out on by my inability to feel. And how much I wanted my life back...the good and the bad.
I am slowly starting to realize that this same concept is true when it comes to FOOD. When I mindlessly sit at the table, eating spoonful after spoonful of fattening food, I am trying to bury the pain or stress or fear that I'm experiencing. But the NUMBNESS that comes with overeating also masks the joy and exhilaration of the good things in life.
So part of FIGHTING the FUNK means allowing myself to feel and taste (forgive the pun) all of life, the good and the bad. I cannot let food take over and NUMB my experiences, but rather use food, like a spice, to enhance the already rich flavors of my life. It is possible to eat and enjoy life without succumbing to temptation of overeating myself into a NUMB stupor.
A major reason that I am writing this blog is to be accountable to myself, and to the few people who read this, for my actions. I'm not on "The Biggest Loser." I don't have personal trainers like Bob and Jillian here to make sure I work out and eat properly. I don't have a house full of other contestants watching every bite I take. I don't have cameras rolling, streaming my calorie choices into million of households. I am beholden to no one.
Which is why I am here, baring my soul as a record and a testament of who I am, my struggles, my setbacks, my triumphs, my disappointments, my realizations, my ups and my downs. Maybe, just maybe, something that I say will resonate with someone else out there, and then it won't just be me changing my life--it will be two of us. And then three. And then four. And then maybe, someday, a whole lot more people will be LIVING their lives, instead of trying to NUMB themselves through their time on earth.
It's time to shake off the shackles of NUMBNESS. Don't be afraid of the pains of life, because experiencing the pains, frustrations and disappointments will make the successes and triumphs soooo much SWEETER. And we're talking calorie-free SWEET--the very best kind!
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Wanted: Scapegoat
Lately, I have found myself in a funk. Not just an exercise funk, but a LIFE funk. What has been more frustrating than being in the funk is my confusion as to WHY I am there. Because NOTHING in my life has changed. I still have a great job. I still have wonderful, supportive colleagues who are more than just co-workers, they are my friends. I still have a fantastic family that includes the world's cutest nieces and nephews. I still have an awesome apartment where thing are clean and everything is done "my way" (ahhh, the perks of living alone!). I still have my faith in God and His plan for my life. I still have great friends who support me in all that I do. I still have a healthy body that is 55 lbs lighter than it was back in January. NOTHING has changed....and I'm beginning to think that THIS IS, in fact, the problem, the reason that I am in a funk.
Nothing has changed...except that, in addition to losing those 55 lbs, I have also lost my dear friend, SCAPEGOAT.
You see, my whole life has been spent trying to deal with the problem of being overweight. So, for as long as I can remember, I have been blaming (consciously or not) all of my problems in life on being overweight. OVERWEIGHT=SCAPEGOAT
As I began my new life this year, exercising and eating more healthy, I was sure that my life was going to change. After all, that's what I was doing--taking control of my health, and therefore, taking control of my life. Those first couple of months were tough, but I was moving forward at a good pace, really disciplining myself, and so happy to finally start seeing results. It was great. It was wonderful. The thrill of hitting that 50 lb mark was awesome...
And then reality started to hit. And has kept on hitting.
You see, losing weight has not changed anything for me. My job is the same. My friends are the same. My social life (or lack thereof) is the same.
The only thing that has changed is that I've eliminated my SCAPEGOAT. I can no longer blame my "problems" on my weight. I've hit a huge stumbling block, because at this point, subconsciously I am thinking "hey, why lose any more weight if it's not going to change anything?" It's not that I want to GAIN back those 55 lbs. HELL NO! It's just that right now, it's not that hard to maintain my weight where I'm at. I'm still overweight, but I am a lot healthier than I used to be. I can work out a few days a week, eat some healthy food, and then have several TREATS or SNACKS, and stay right where I am. That would be very easy. Heck, I've been here for a few months, sitting right around the same weight, in a holding-pattern.
I've tried to mentally break through the wall, but as soon as I start to see success (clothes fit looser, drop another few lbs on the scale), I go out an SABOTAGE myself by eating a bunch of junk, or skipping work-outs.
WHY??? Why do I do this to myself???
Because...I'm afraid. I don't know how to live without a SCAPEGOAT. So, if I were to be successful, keep losing weight, and finally get to my SKINNY weight...then what? What happens THEN when I'm still working the same job, still have the same friends, and still have the same social life (or lack thereof)?
What happens when I'm SKINNY and NOTHING has CHANGED???
That's my block. That's the funk that I'm in. That's the wall that I need to break through. That's my new hurdle.
I don't have the answers. At least, with the help of my BFF, I've finally been able to identify what's causing my funk.
I just have to keep moving forward. I have to learn how to live life WITHOUT a SCAPEGOAT.
I am planning on beating this. On overcoming this obstacle to my success. On learning how to take two steps forward without having to take one step back. On not self-sabotaging. On forgetting all about SCAPEGOATS.
I plan to accomplish this one mile at a time...
Nothing has changed...except that, in addition to losing those 55 lbs, I have also lost my dear friend, SCAPEGOAT.
You see, my whole life has been spent trying to deal with the problem of being overweight. So, for as long as I can remember, I have been blaming (consciously or not) all of my problems in life on being overweight. OVERWEIGHT=SCAPEGOAT
As I began my new life this year, exercising and eating more healthy, I was sure that my life was going to change. After all, that's what I was doing--taking control of my health, and therefore, taking control of my life. Those first couple of months were tough, but I was moving forward at a good pace, really disciplining myself, and so happy to finally start seeing results. It was great. It was wonderful. The thrill of hitting that 50 lb mark was awesome...
And then reality started to hit. And has kept on hitting.
You see, losing weight has not changed anything for me. My job is the same. My friends are the same. My social life (or lack thereof) is the same.
The only thing that has changed is that I've eliminated my SCAPEGOAT. I can no longer blame my "problems" on my weight. I've hit a huge stumbling block, because at this point, subconsciously I am thinking "hey, why lose any more weight if it's not going to change anything?" It's not that I want to GAIN back those 55 lbs. HELL NO! It's just that right now, it's not that hard to maintain my weight where I'm at. I'm still overweight, but I am a lot healthier than I used to be. I can work out a few days a week, eat some healthy food, and then have several TREATS or SNACKS, and stay right where I am. That would be very easy. Heck, I've been here for a few months, sitting right around the same weight, in a holding-pattern.
I've tried to mentally break through the wall, but as soon as I start to see success (clothes fit looser, drop another few lbs on the scale), I go out an SABOTAGE myself by eating a bunch of junk, or skipping work-outs.
WHY??? Why do I do this to myself???
Because...I'm afraid. I don't know how to live without a SCAPEGOAT. So, if I were to be successful, keep losing weight, and finally get to my SKINNY weight...then what? What happens THEN when I'm still working the same job, still have the same friends, and still have the same social life (or lack thereof)?
What happens when I'm SKINNY and NOTHING has CHANGED???
That's my block. That's the funk that I'm in. That's the wall that I need to break through. That's my new hurdle.
I don't have the answers. At least, with the help of my BFF, I've finally been able to identify what's causing my funk.
I just have to keep moving forward. I have to learn how to live life WITHOUT a SCAPEGOAT.
I am planning on beating this. On overcoming this obstacle to my success. On learning how to take two steps forward without having to take one step back. On not self-sabotaging. On forgetting all about SCAPEGOATS.
I plan to accomplish this one mile at a time...
Sunday, August 15, 2010
For Sale: Gently Used Crystal Ball...
So, this summer did not turn out exactly as I had planned. At the beginning of June, as I looked into my CRYSTAL BALL at what the summer held for me, I had this bright, optimistic view of what things would look like...a great summer job working at a technology camp in San Antonio where I would have plenty of free time to exercise and prepare for the upcoming 1/2 marathon race (Nov 14, 2010) followed by a weekend family celebration of my niece's 1st birthday, then a few days to "rest and regroup" before heading off to a dream vacation in Europe where I would diligently maintain my "training schedule" and use the wonderful workout facilities provided by the hotels I was staying in. Then, come August 16 I would return to work, healthy, happy, toned up, slimmer, and well on my way to that 1/2 marathon.
Yeah. And then I woke up from my IMAGINARY WORLD into the INSANITY that was summer camp. I was so busy that I didn't have time to sleep, much less contemplate "working out." As the stress levels rose to Mt. Everest-like peaks, so did my sugar and caffeine consumption. You may have heard of my brief resolve to go without soda for the month of July...yeah, that lasted all of 4 days! The heavy, fatty cafeteria food weighed my body down and stress weighed my spirit down, and try as I might, I just couldn't seem to think much of anything other than, "Please, God, let this all be over soon." I think I worked out a total of 5 times during the 5 1/2 weeks that I was in San Antonio.
The evening that camp ended, I drove to Austin to meet up with my family for my niece's birthday celebration. So you can imagine how much exercising I did then! The most exercise I had that weekend was picking up an adorable 1 year-old and playing with her. And it's not like I was going to turn down all that delicious food that my mom and sister-in-law had spent so much time making. I mean, really, I was just eating so I didn't hurt their feelings. After all, what is ONE weekend in the grand scheme of things?
By the time I arrived back at my apartment, I had less than 72 hours until I would be getting on a plane and heading to the East coast to meet up with my friend and then fly to Europe. It wasn't really worth buying any food for just 2 days of being home, so I mostly ate out.
Then, I was in EUROPE! And I couldn't wait to try all their delicious food. Bread, chocolate, sausages...and most importantly, GELATO! I has Gelato almost every day, after all I was in EUROPE. This was vacation. And I was walking everywhere, so I was burning all...er, um, most of the calories that I was consuming. I mean, who's going to eat Luna Bars and count calories when there are kolaches, bratwurst, spetzl, or roast duck to enjoy. I mean, REALLY!?!?!
And now, here I sit, on the eve of August 16...
Happy? Yes. Happy that I got to fulfill a dream and see the Passion Play in Germany. Happy that I was able to have such an awesome trip to Europe. Happy that summer camp is over and that I was able to earn extra money. Happy that I got to see my family and celebrate my niece's birthday with them. Happy that a new school year is about to start. So, happiness, yeah, I've got that covered. It's all the other stuff I saw in my CRYSTAL BALL about being toned, slimmer, and ready for the 1/2 marathon that I am somehow MISSING.
And WHY are those things missing??? Because, I made some choices. When push came to shove, and I got stressed out, I chose to let my health and fitness take a back seat. Was I right? Was I wrong? Does it really matter? I can't take back the decisions that I made, but I can think about the consequences, and try to plan better for the future.
I don't need a CRYSTAL BALL to show me that STRESS is NOT AN EXCUSE to jump off the bandwagon (lessons I have learned the hard way this summer). I am committed to living a healthy lifestyle, but the reality is, it's going to be a CHOICE that I have to make EVERY SINGLE MORNING for the REST OF MY LIFE! When I wake up in the morning, whether it's raining or sunny, cold or boiling hot, whether it's a school day or the weekend, whether I'm at my own house or on vacation, whether I'm up 3 lbs or down 2 lbs, whether my clothes are too tight or are hanging loose on my frame, each day I have to say to myself, "Anela, how are you going to live your life today? Are you going to prioritize YOU, and make it a healthy, fit day, or are you going to let OTHER THINGS TAKE OVER and become subject to them?"
The reality is, I am NOT used to making myself a priority. I think that's part of being a woman, and also just part of being Anela. I always seem to put myself at the BOTTOM of the list of priorities. Work, family, friends, they all come first. After all, I've been taught to be a selfless person. So for 31 years I have been going about life with the mindset that everyone else comes first, and I take care up my own needs with whatever time/energy/effort is left over at the end of the day.
But the only way to truly make health and fitness a LIFESTYLE CHANGE is to put ANELA as the #1 person on my list. And let me tell you, that is very hard for me to do. It's hard to say, even just in writing, that my needs are more important than everything else around me. That MY needs trump work, friends and family. That it's okay to let those copies wait until tomorrow, to wait before returning a phone call, to say "hey, sorry I can't make it" to the invitation from a colleague because I NEED TO GO and TAKE CARE OF ANELA. I need to work out, so I'll finish up with these emails tomorrow. I need to pack a lunch for work, so I'll have to call you back later. I need to go grocery shopping, so I can't make it to dinner with you guys. I have a 1/2 marathon to train for, and I need to get up early Saturday morning for a long run, so I'm going to have to leave your game night early on Friday night.
And you know what, it's okay. I have to keep telling myself that IT'S OKAY for me to make my healthy lifestyle my priority. Because if I let excuses get in the way, even good excuses, then I will always be a victim of my circumstances, and never really in control of my life.
So, now I'm going to try this again. I am going to look into my CRYSTAL BALL and tell you what I see happening in the next few months...
I see myself using a calendar to schedule my weekly workouts and even checking off the days as I finish them
I see myself going in to Luke's Locker to be fitted for new running shoes
I see myself cross training and working on the 200 Squat Challenge and the 100 Push-up challenge in addition to other strength training
I see myself pushing harder and running longer each week
I see myself with a big group of runners from school, cheering each other, laughing, joking, speaking words of encouragement and congratulating each other on our successes
I see myself limiting my sugar and soda intake and focusing on a balanced diet of protein, fruits and veggies, and carbs
I see myself sometimes turning down or rescheduling social opportunities when they interfere with my training schedule
I see myself leaving work in time to meet up with my exercise buddy and not letting the job interfere with my training
I see myself...becoming a runner
I see myself...living the dream.
I see the dream becoming a reality as I cross the finish line in San Antonio on November 14.
I see myself tossing out that old CRYSTAL BALL...because who needs magic and dreams, when you have a healthy life to START LIVING!
Yeah. And then I woke up from my IMAGINARY WORLD into the INSANITY that was summer camp. I was so busy that I didn't have time to sleep, much less contemplate "working out." As the stress levels rose to Mt. Everest-like peaks, so did my sugar and caffeine consumption. You may have heard of my brief resolve to go without soda for the month of July...yeah, that lasted all of 4 days! The heavy, fatty cafeteria food weighed my body down and stress weighed my spirit down, and try as I might, I just couldn't seem to think much of anything other than, "Please, God, let this all be over soon." I think I worked out a total of 5 times during the 5 1/2 weeks that I was in San Antonio.
The evening that camp ended, I drove to Austin to meet up with my family for my niece's birthday celebration. So you can imagine how much exercising I did then! The most exercise I had that weekend was picking up an adorable 1 year-old and playing with her. And it's not like I was going to turn down all that delicious food that my mom and sister-in-law had spent so much time making. I mean, really, I was just eating so I didn't hurt their feelings. After all, what is ONE weekend in the grand scheme of things?
By the time I arrived back at my apartment, I had less than 72 hours until I would be getting on a plane and heading to the East coast to meet up with my friend and then fly to Europe. It wasn't really worth buying any food for just 2 days of being home, so I mostly ate out.
Then, I was in EUROPE! And I couldn't wait to try all their delicious food. Bread, chocolate, sausages...and most importantly, GELATO! I has Gelato almost every day, after all I was in EUROPE. This was vacation. And I was walking everywhere, so I was burning all...er, um, most of the calories that I was consuming. I mean, who's going to eat Luna Bars and count calories when there are kolaches, bratwurst, spetzl, or roast duck to enjoy. I mean, REALLY!?!?!
And now, here I sit, on the eve of August 16...
Happy? Yes. Happy that I got to fulfill a dream and see the Passion Play in Germany. Happy that I was able to have such an awesome trip to Europe. Happy that summer camp is over and that I was able to earn extra money. Happy that I got to see my family and celebrate my niece's birthday with them. Happy that a new school year is about to start. So, happiness, yeah, I've got that covered. It's all the other stuff I saw in my CRYSTAL BALL about being toned, slimmer, and ready for the 1/2 marathon that I am somehow MISSING.
And WHY are those things missing??? Because, I made some choices. When push came to shove, and I got stressed out, I chose to let my health and fitness take a back seat. Was I right? Was I wrong? Does it really matter? I can't take back the decisions that I made, but I can think about the consequences, and try to plan better for the future.
I don't need a CRYSTAL BALL to show me that STRESS is NOT AN EXCUSE to jump off the bandwagon (lessons I have learned the hard way this summer). I am committed to living a healthy lifestyle, but the reality is, it's going to be a CHOICE that I have to make EVERY SINGLE MORNING for the REST OF MY LIFE! When I wake up in the morning, whether it's raining or sunny, cold or boiling hot, whether it's a school day or the weekend, whether I'm at my own house or on vacation, whether I'm up 3 lbs or down 2 lbs, whether my clothes are too tight or are hanging loose on my frame, each day I have to say to myself, "Anela, how are you going to live your life today? Are you going to prioritize YOU, and make it a healthy, fit day, or are you going to let OTHER THINGS TAKE OVER and become subject to them?"
The reality is, I am NOT used to making myself a priority. I think that's part of being a woman, and also just part of being Anela. I always seem to put myself at the BOTTOM of the list of priorities. Work, family, friends, they all come first. After all, I've been taught to be a selfless person. So for 31 years I have been going about life with the mindset that everyone else comes first, and I take care up my own needs with whatever time/energy/effort is left over at the end of the day.
But the only way to truly make health and fitness a LIFESTYLE CHANGE is to put ANELA as the #1 person on my list. And let me tell you, that is very hard for me to do. It's hard to say, even just in writing, that my needs are more important than everything else around me. That MY needs trump work, friends and family. That it's okay to let those copies wait until tomorrow, to wait before returning a phone call, to say "hey, sorry I can't make it" to the invitation from a colleague because I NEED TO GO and TAKE CARE OF ANELA. I need to work out, so I'll finish up with these emails tomorrow. I need to pack a lunch for work, so I'll have to call you back later. I need to go grocery shopping, so I can't make it to dinner with you guys. I have a 1/2 marathon to train for, and I need to get up early Saturday morning for a long run, so I'm going to have to leave your game night early on Friday night.
And you know what, it's okay. I have to keep telling myself that IT'S OKAY for me to make my healthy lifestyle my priority. Because if I let excuses get in the way, even good excuses, then I will always be a victim of my circumstances, and never really in control of my life.
So, now I'm going to try this again. I am going to look into my CRYSTAL BALL and tell you what I see happening in the next few months...
I see myself using a calendar to schedule my weekly workouts and even checking off the days as I finish them
I see myself going in to Luke's Locker to be fitted for new running shoes
I see myself cross training and working on the 200 Squat Challenge and the 100 Push-up challenge in addition to other strength training
I see myself pushing harder and running longer each week
I see myself with a big group of runners from school, cheering each other, laughing, joking, speaking words of encouragement and congratulating each other on our successes
I see myself limiting my sugar and soda intake and focusing on a balanced diet of protein, fruits and veggies, and carbs
I see myself sometimes turning down or rescheduling social opportunities when they interfere with my training schedule
I see myself leaving work in time to meet up with my exercise buddy and not letting the job interfere with my training
I see myself...becoming a runner
I see myself...living the dream.
I see the dream becoming a reality as I cross the finish line in San Antonio on November 14.
I see myself tossing out that old CRYSTAL BALL...because who needs magic and dreams, when you have a healthy life to START LIVING!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
I have my cake...why can't I eat it too???
Well, time to face the ugly (or should I say HEAVY) truth and come clean to myself and to all of you.
FACT: I have gained 7 lbs in the past week and a half. 7!!! SEVEN!!! S-E-V-E-N! As in 1-2-3-4-5---6----7!!! What the heck?!?!? Giant chocolate cakes from Cosco weigh 7 lbs. Textbooks weigh 7 lbs. BABIES weigh 7 lbs. How in tarnation did I gain that much weight so fast. Let's examine the MYTHS and FACTS of my life recently. And then find a way to make sure this NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN!
MYTH #1: My metabolism/body chemistry has completely changed in the past 6 months, allowing me to eat whatever I want and not gain weight.
You would think that the success that I have had with weight loss would motivate me to never eat unhealthy food again. Ha. Hahahahaha! Are you kidding?!?!? I still crave junk food ALL THE TIME! I mean, seriously! I do love lots of healthy food, but doesn't everyone know that ranch dressing make just about EVERYTHING better?!?!? And who doesn't love them some chips, especially Ruffles Cheddar and Sour Cream. And y'all know that the best thing that ever happened to me was moving to Texas and discovering Blue Bell Ice Cream! Who is with me???
TRUTH: My body chemistry/metabolism has not changed all THAT drastically. If I want to continue to lose weight (YES!!!), or even maintain where I am at, then I will ALWAYS have to measure my portions and count calories. And I don't know why that seems to bother me so much. I guess I am still a little bit in denial about everything. I just keep thinking that one of these days I am going to wake up and be able to eat whatever I want and not gain weight. And that is NEVER, EVER going to happen. So I really need to let that ship sail, DEAL with what I've got, and stop whining about it! Buck up, girl!
MYTH #2: It's okay to take the elevator when I'm really tired or it's hot outside.
I am working at a summer camp, and our labs are on the 3rd floor of a building (up 3 flights of stairs because the ground floor is really the basement). And my dorm is up another flight of stairs, on the 4th floor. I find myself taking the elevator several times a day, because I am hot (hellooooo, this is Texas in July, people), it's sickeningly humid outside, and frankly, the last thing I want to do is trudge up those 3 flights of stairs.
TRUTH: I am not handicapped. I am not in a wheelchair. I have two working legs, and I need to use them. It doesn't matter if I have to walk slowly (the campers usually fly on by me) or even if I have to rest for a few seconds on one of the landings. There is no excuse for taking the elevator (except when I have a bunch of camp supplies that I have to take to the lab or when I am moving my stuff out). So, that's it. No more elevator for me. The truth is I can actually walk up the stairs faster than the elevator can take me, since it's so old and slow. That should be a no-brainer!
MYTH #3: It's okay to eat college cafeteria food, as long as I don't eat too much.
As part of my job as a summer camp director, I get free food and lodging on a college campus. Now, I am always trying to save money, so this is a great set-up. Of course, I am still paying rent on my apartment, but being at camp means I can keep my AC as cold as I want it and not worry about the bill. And I get breakfast, lunch and dinner at the dining hall Monday-Friday. So this is the perfect time to save money on food, right?
TRUTH: It's called the "Freshman Fifteen" for a REASON! Seriously! I didn't live in the dorms in college, so this is a new experience for me. First, it's ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT. There is usually a hot meal, like today's lunch choice: chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes and gravy, corn (guarantee it's been cooked in tons of butter) or green beans with bacon. Or I could eat pizza, or a burger and fries. Or salad--iceburg lettuce mix, black olives, baby corn, cherry tomatoes, carrots, and either Ranch or Italian dressing (no low-fat or fat-free options). Then there's the cookies and banana bread, cake, soda fountain, and my personal favorite, the ice cream freezer--huge vats of Blue Bell Ice Cream-cookies n cream, vanilla, mint chocolate chip, chocolate, butter crunch, or rainbow sherbet. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO RESIST THIS??? Well, I have come to the conclusion that I CAN'T resist it. So, the only other choice is to stop eating in the cafeteria. I brought my little refrigerator that I usually keep in my classroom. I also brought my blender with me. So, for the rest of camp (2 1/2 weeks) I am NOT going to eat in the cafeteria. At all. I am going to make protein shakes (hence the blender) or have yogurt for breakfast, make sandwiches and string cheese and fruit for lunch, and find other things for dinner. Because I simply cannot eat healthy if I go to the cafeteria. The unhealthy options are just too tempting. And the last 3 weeks have proven that I CANNOT resist those temptations. The only meal that I actually have to eat there is lunch, because that's when we're with the campers. But starting tomorrow, I am going to "bring my lunch," just like some of the campers do. Problem SOLVED!
One other comment about the all-you-can-eat thing. I find it very interesting that when I am home, and I carefully measure out my smaller portions, as long as I have a meal that is well balances with veggies, protein, and a small amount of carbs/starch, then I feel full and satisfied when I am done eating. And yet here, when I can have as much as I want, I find myself eating WAY MORE food. I think so much of it is a mental thing. Just knowing I CAN have more seems to make me unsatisfied unless I EAT MORE!!! That's just ridiculous! Avoid all-you-can-eat places at all costs!!!
MYTH #4: You can become a runner (and prepare for a 1/2 marathon in November) by simply visualizing yourself running. This is usually best accomplished while eating some of the Blue Bell Ice Cream mentioned above.
The last month I have been really off my schedule. I was on vacation in Arizona for a week, but I did manage to get in a 1-hour workout at the Y, and also a Zuma class, so it wasn't too bad. I've been at camp for the last 3 weeks and I have worked out all of 3 times. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT!?!?! The crazy part is that there is a really nice trail thing in the back of the campus where I like to run/walk. And yet I've only taken time to exercise 3 times.
TRUTH: I could barely run a mile tonight. ONE MILE?!?!?!? I was up to 4 miles, and now I'm down to just one, and I have to be honest, it was almost more of a "walk with a bounce" than it was a "jog." It was PATHETIC, that's what it was. I am going to be starting hard-core 1/2 marathon training in about a month, and I have GOT to get back on track with running or I will never make it through the marathon. And I LIKE RUNNING! I know that some people hate it, and I can understand how hard it is to make yourself do something you hate. But I actually LIKE to run. I do. So I have GOT to start MAKING time to run 3 days/week again. Visualizing isn't enough. I have to get out and DO IT! Even when it's hot, or raining, or I'm tired, or I have work to do, or any other excuse I come up with. As Nike counsels us, JUST DO IT!
MYTH #5: It's okay to consume tons of candy and gallons of caffeinated drinks when you are stressed out. After all, you are STRESSED, and you DESERVE to take comfort in food when everything around you is falling apart.
These past few weeks have been totally stressful. I have had a lot of challenges with running camp, and pretty much all of them have been things completely out of my control. Whether it was problems with our websites being blocked by the university web filter, or a random power line falling on a perfectly clear and windless day and knocking out power for the entire university (it was actually a nice break to sleep in a hotel instead of the dorms for a night), there have been LOTS of CHALLENGES for me, and I have been feeling very overwhelmed. So, to combat the fatigue and stress, I have been eating candy and drinking soda like it's going out of style. Hence the 7 LBS GAINED!
TRUTH: Life is always going to be stressful. If you make excuses for "letting yourself go," then pretty soon you'll be using any old excuse to justify your bad habit. The truth is, I would probably have dealt with all the stress much better if I had exercised instead of looking to food for comfort. And I have to face the fact that whether it's working at summer camp, teaching, dealing with family issues, dating, disagreeing with friends, etc, there is ALWAYS going to be stress of some kind in life. That is just reality. So, since I know it's always going to be there, I need to find a HEALTHY way to deal with it. Like exercising, or reading a book, or going for a drive. Not consuming 3/4 of a bag of peanut butter M&M's (and I'm NOT talking about the little individual sized bag--I'm talking about an 18 OZ Bag!!!). Now, that's not to say that I can't have a treat now and then. But I cannot abandon all reason and pig out (see MYTH #1). I need to eat carefully controlled and measured treats, not entire bags of chocolate.
Well, I feel better after getting all of that out (and I DID work out tonight--partly because I freaked out when I saw the scale, partly because I felt guilty for not working out for so long, and partly in an attempt to negate the fact that I had ice cream today with BOTH LUNCH AND DINNER!!!). Tomorrow is a new day. Things have gotten a little out of control these past few weeks, but I can't dwell on that too much. After all, I've got an extra 7 lbs to lose, so I BETTER GET CRACKING!
Rather than debate whether or not I can have my cake and eat it too, I think I'll take a page out of Sampson's book. When I see temptation, I'm going to lace up my Aasics and literally START RUNNING! :-)
FACT: I have gained 7 lbs in the past week and a half. 7!!! SEVEN!!! S-E-V-E-N! As in 1-2-3-4-5---6----7!!! What the heck?!?!? Giant chocolate cakes from Cosco weigh 7 lbs. Textbooks weigh 7 lbs. BABIES weigh 7 lbs. How in tarnation did I gain that much weight so fast. Let's examine the MYTHS and FACTS of my life recently. And then find a way to make sure this NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN!
MYTH #1: My metabolism/body chemistry has completely changed in the past 6 months, allowing me to eat whatever I want and not gain weight.
You would think that the success that I have had with weight loss would motivate me to never eat unhealthy food again. Ha. Hahahahaha! Are you kidding?!?!? I still crave junk food ALL THE TIME! I mean, seriously! I do love lots of healthy food, but doesn't everyone know that ranch dressing make just about EVERYTHING better?!?!? And who doesn't love them some chips, especially Ruffles Cheddar and Sour Cream. And y'all know that the best thing that ever happened to me was moving to Texas and discovering Blue Bell Ice Cream! Who is with me???
TRUTH: My body chemistry/metabolism has not changed all THAT drastically. If I want to continue to lose weight (YES!!!), or even maintain where I am at, then I will ALWAYS have to measure my portions and count calories. And I don't know why that seems to bother me so much. I guess I am still a little bit in denial about everything. I just keep thinking that one of these days I am going to wake up and be able to eat whatever I want and not gain weight. And that is NEVER, EVER going to happen. So I really need to let that ship sail, DEAL with what I've got, and stop whining about it! Buck up, girl!
MYTH #2: It's okay to take the elevator when I'm really tired or it's hot outside.
I am working at a summer camp, and our labs are on the 3rd floor of a building (up 3 flights of stairs because the ground floor is really the basement). And my dorm is up another flight of stairs, on the 4th floor. I find myself taking the elevator several times a day, because I am hot (hellooooo, this is Texas in July, people), it's sickeningly humid outside, and frankly, the last thing I want to do is trudge up those 3 flights of stairs.
TRUTH: I am not handicapped. I am not in a wheelchair. I have two working legs, and I need to use them. It doesn't matter if I have to walk slowly (the campers usually fly on by me) or even if I have to rest for a few seconds on one of the landings. There is no excuse for taking the elevator (except when I have a bunch of camp supplies that I have to take to the lab or when I am moving my stuff out). So, that's it. No more elevator for me. The truth is I can actually walk up the stairs faster than the elevator can take me, since it's so old and slow. That should be a no-brainer!
MYTH #3: It's okay to eat college cafeteria food, as long as I don't eat too much.
As part of my job as a summer camp director, I get free food and lodging on a college campus. Now, I am always trying to save money, so this is a great set-up. Of course, I am still paying rent on my apartment, but being at camp means I can keep my AC as cold as I want it and not worry about the bill. And I get breakfast, lunch and dinner at the dining hall Monday-Friday. So this is the perfect time to save money on food, right?
TRUTH: It's called the "Freshman Fifteen" for a REASON! Seriously! I didn't live in the dorms in college, so this is a new experience for me. First, it's ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT. There is usually a hot meal, like today's lunch choice: chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes and gravy, corn (guarantee it's been cooked in tons of butter) or green beans with bacon. Or I could eat pizza, or a burger and fries. Or salad--iceburg lettuce mix, black olives, baby corn, cherry tomatoes, carrots, and either Ranch or Italian dressing (no low-fat or fat-free options). Then there's the cookies and banana bread, cake, soda fountain, and my personal favorite, the ice cream freezer--huge vats of Blue Bell Ice Cream-cookies n cream, vanilla, mint chocolate chip, chocolate, butter crunch, or rainbow sherbet. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO RESIST THIS??? Well, I have come to the conclusion that I CAN'T resist it. So, the only other choice is to stop eating in the cafeteria. I brought my little refrigerator that I usually keep in my classroom. I also brought my blender with me. So, for the rest of camp (2 1/2 weeks) I am NOT going to eat in the cafeteria. At all. I am going to make protein shakes (hence the blender) or have yogurt for breakfast, make sandwiches and string cheese and fruit for lunch, and find other things for dinner. Because I simply cannot eat healthy if I go to the cafeteria. The unhealthy options are just too tempting. And the last 3 weeks have proven that I CANNOT resist those temptations. The only meal that I actually have to eat there is lunch, because that's when we're with the campers. But starting tomorrow, I am going to "bring my lunch," just like some of the campers do. Problem SOLVED!
One other comment about the all-you-can-eat thing. I find it very interesting that when I am home, and I carefully measure out my smaller portions, as long as I have a meal that is well balances with veggies, protein, and a small amount of carbs/starch, then I feel full and satisfied when I am done eating. And yet here, when I can have as much as I want, I find myself eating WAY MORE food. I think so much of it is a mental thing. Just knowing I CAN have more seems to make me unsatisfied unless I EAT MORE!!! That's just ridiculous! Avoid all-you-can-eat places at all costs!!!
MYTH #4: You can become a runner (and prepare for a 1/2 marathon in November) by simply visualizing yourself running. This is usually best accomplished while eating some of the Blue Bell Ice Cream mentioned above.
The last month I have been really off my schedule. I was on vacation in Arizona for a week, but I did manage to get in a 1-hour workout at the Y, and also a Zuma class, so it wasn't too bad. I've been at camp for the last 3 weeks and I have worked out all of 3 times. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT!?!?! The crazy part is that there is a really nice trail thing in the back of the campus where I like to run/walk. And yet I've only taken time to exercise 3 times.
TRUTH: I could barely run a mile tonight. ONE MILE?!?!?!? I was up to 4 miles, and now I'm down to just one, and I have to be honest, it was almost more of a "walk with a bounce" than it was a "jog." It was PATHETIC, that's what it was. I am going to be starting hard-core 1/2 marathon training in about a month, and I have GOT to get back on track with running or I will never make it through the marathon. And I LIKE RUNNING! I know that some people hate it, and I can understand how hard it is to make yourself do something you hate. But I actually LIKE to run. I do. So I have GOT to start MAKING time to run 3 days/week again. Visualizing isn't enough. I have to get out and DO IT! Even when it's hot, or raining, or I'm tired, or I have work to do, or any other excuse I come up with. As Nike counsels us, JUST DO IT!
MYTH #5: It's okay to consume tons of candy and gallons of caffeinated drinks when you are stressed out. After all, you are STRESSED, and you DESERVE to take comfort in food when everything around you is falling apart.
These past few weeks have been totally stressful. I have had a lot of challenges with running camp, and pretty much all of them have been things completely out of my control. Whether it was problems with our websites being blocked by the university web filter, or a random power line falling on a perfectly clear and windless day and knocking out power for the entire university (it was actually a nice break to sleep in a hotel instead of the dorms for a night), there have been LOTS of CHALLENGES for me, and I have been feeling very overwhelmed. So, to combat the fatigue and stress, I have been eating candy and drinking soda like it's going out of style. Hence the 7 LBS GAINED!
TRUTH: Life is always going to be stressful. If you make excuses for "letting yourself go," then pretty soon you'll be using any old excuse to justify your bad habit. The truth is, I would probably have dealt with all the stress much better if I had exercised instead of looking to food for comfort. And I have to face the fact that whether it's working at summer camp, teaching, dealing with family issues, dating, disagreeing with friends, etc, there is ALWAYS going to be stress of some kind in life. That is just reality. So, since I know it's always going to be there, I need to find a HEALTHY way to deal with it. Like exercising, or reading a book, or going for a drive. Not consuming 3/4 of a bag of peanut butter M&M's (and I'm NOT talking about the little individual sized bag--I'm talking about an 18 OZ Bag!!!). Now, that's not to say that I can't have a treat now and then. But I cannot abandon all reason and pig out (see MYTH #1). I need to eat carefully controlled and measured treats, not entire bags of chocolate.
Well, I feel better after getting all of that out (and I DID work out tonight--partly because I freaked out when I saw the scale, partly because I felt guilty for not working out for so long, and partly in an attempt to negate the fact that I had ice cream today with BOTH LUNCH AND DINNER!!!). Tomorrow is a new day. Things have gotten a little out of control these past few weeks, but I can't dwell on that too much. After all, I've got an extra 7 lbs to lose, so I BETTER GET CRACKING!
Rather than debate whether or not I can have my cake and eat it too, I think I'll take a page out of Sampson's book. When I see temptation, I'm going to lace up my Aasics and literally START RUNNING! :-)
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Excuse me, Waiter? I'd like a large order of Perspective, please.
I am my own worst enemy. No matter how many good things I do or accomplish, I seem to see only the things that I have yet to achieve...the things that are still just out of my reach. And I think that it's safe to assume I am not the only one who does this.
I had an interesting experience the other day. I was going through my closet, and trying to figure out what I was going to pack for a trip home. I knew some of the clothes that I wanted to take, and on impulse, started trying things on. The results truly astounded me. But before I get to the results, please allow me to digress for just a minute...
Since I have started my NEW LIFE, focusing on eating healthy, working out, and becoming more fit, I have set different goals for myself, goals that would stretch me and really make me work. For example, when I started the Couch to 5K training program, I signed up for the Blue Bell Fun run and set the goal of running the ENTIRE race, no matter how slow I went. And I did it! I remember how great it felt to cross that finish line, knowing that I had run the entire 3.1 miles! I had also set a weight goal for the race, and I was 5 lbs UNDER my goal, which totally ROCKED! I was feeling great.
So, I decided I needed something else--another challenge. I thought of a pair of jeans that I have kept in the back of my closet for about 7 years now (the tags were still on them--can you believe it!?!?). They are my "skinny skinny" jeans...I bought them ages ago as an incentive to lose weight, as they were a size smaller than I was at the time. Well, instead of losing that size, as the years went by, I actually went UP a size. So, when I looked at my "skinny skinny" jeans they were a full 2 sizes smaller than what I wore (at the beginning of January).
Well, I decided that my new goal was to be able to wear these "skinny skinny" jeans on the plane when I fly home to Arizona to see my family (June 7th). I set my goal about a month and a half ago, knowing that I would have to work hard to be able to look good in those jeans (at that time I had already lost one pants size, and needed to lose one more to fit into these "skinny skinny" jeans). I have tried them on periodically, and have seen the progress from "can't even get them over my hips" to "might be able to button them if I lay flat in my bed and don't breathe."
Well, as I was looking in my closet yesterday, planning what I need to take on the plane with me tomorrow, I decided to try on my "skinny skinny" jeans again. And guess what?!? They still DON'T fit! I'm so close, but really need to lose another 8-10 lbs before I'll feel comfortable wearing them (I REFUSE to be a MUFFIN TOP!!!).
Now at first, this was a little disappointing. I mean, I had met my previous goals through hard work and dedication, so I was really bummed that I hadn't succeeded this time. I blamed it on the stress of work the past few weeks, on my poor eating habits (did I mention that I ate like 12 cookies the other day?), and my less-than-enthusiastic workouts (I've been running less and walking more).
But then, a funny thing happened. I was putting together another outfit, with a pretty dark pinkish maroon shirt that has always been a "skinny" shirt. I tried it on and to my astonishment it looked horrible...because it was TOO BIG! It just hung on me and was not flattering at all. I couldn't believe it!!! This was a shirt that I only wore when I was having a "skinny" day, because with it's clingy fabric, it showed every roll and imperfection. And now I've had to add it to my Goodwill bag, because it's too big. I tried on a few other seldom worn blouses, found that they were also too big, and added them to the Goodwill bag as well.
On a whim, I pulled out my old dress pants, the ones that I was wearing to work a mere 5 months ago. When I tried them on I looked like a little kid playing dress-up with her mom's old clothes. They looked terrible! And they used to be pretty tight on me. My own clothes were hanging off me, and my new body was literally drowning in excess fabric.
And yet here I was, berating myself because I couldn't quite fit into my "skinny skinny" jeans. I mean, come on!!! I've lost over 50 lbs, gone down 2 pants sizes, found my lost collarbones, and all I can see is one lousy pair of pants that I can't quite squeeze into?!?!? That's ridiculous!
So, after a large order of PERSPECTIVE, I put the "skinny skinny" jeans back into the closet, there to wait for a few more weeks while I work on shedding those 8-10 lbs that will allow me to look FABULOUS in them! And in the mean time, instead of anguishing over my ONE failed goal, I'm going to celebrate my success...staring with a shopping spree to buy some clothes that ACTUALLY fit!
I had an interesting experience the other day. I was going through my closet, and trying to figure out what I was going to pack for a trip home. I knew some of the clothes that I wanted to take, and on impulse, started trying things on. The results truly astounded me. But before I get to the results, please allow me to digress for just a minute...
Since I have started my NEW LIFE, focusing on eating healthy, working out, and becoming more fit, I have set different goals for myself, goals that would stretch me and really make me work. For example, when I started the Couch to 5K training program, I signed up for the Blue Bell Fun run and set the goal of running the ENTIRE race, no matter how slow I went. And I did it! I remember how great it felt to cross that finish line, knowing that I had run the entire 3.1 miles! I had also set a weight goal for the race, and I was 5 lbs UNDER my goal, which totally ROCKED! I was feeling great.
So, I decided I needed something else--another challenge. I thought of a pair of jeans that I have kept in the back of my closet for about 7 years now (the tags were still on them--can you believe it!?!?). They are my "skinny skinny" jeans...I bought them ages ago as an incentive to lose weight, as they were a size smaller than I was at the time. Well, instead of losing that size, as the years went by, I actually went UP a size. So, when I looked at my "skinny skinny" jeans they were a full 2 sizes smaller than what I wore (at the beginning of January).
Well, I decided that my new goal was to be able to wear these "skinny skinny" jeans on the plane when I fly home to Arizona to see my family (June 7th). I set my goal about a month and a half ago, knowing that I would have to work hard to be able to look good in those jeans (at that time I had already lost one pants size, and needed to lose one more to fit into these "skinny skinny" jeans). I have tried them on periodically, and have seen the progress from "can't even get them over my hips" to "might be able to button them if I lay flat in my bed and don't breathe."
Well, as I was looking in my closet yesterday, planning what I need to take on the plane with me tomorrow, I decided to try on my "skinny skinny" jeans again. And guess what?!? They still DON'T fit! I'm so close, but really need to lose another 8-10 lbs before I'll feel comfortable wearing them (I REFUSE to be a MUFFIN TOP!!!).
Now at first, this was a little disappointing. I mean, I had met my previous goals through hard work and dedication, so I was really bummed that I hadn't succeeded this time. I blamed it on the stress of work the past few weeks, on my poor eating habits (did I mention that I ate like 12 cookies the other day?), and my less-than-enthusiastic workouts (I've been running less and walking more).
But then, a funny thing happened. I was putting together another outfit, with a pretty dark pinkish maroon shirt that has always been a "skinny" shirt. I tried it on and to my astonishment it looked horrible...because it was TOO BIG! It just hung on me and was not flattering at all. I couldn't believe it!!! This was a shirt that I only wore when I was having a "skinny" day, because with it's clingy fabric, it showed every roll and imperfection. And now I've had to add it to my Goodwill bag, because it's too big. I tried on a few other seldom worn blouses, found that they were also too big, and added them to the Goodwill bag as well.
On a whim, I pulled out my old dress pants, the ones that I was wearing to work a mere 5 months ago. When I tried them on I looked like a little kid playing dress-up with her mom's old clothes. They looked terrible! And they used to be pretty tight on me. My own clothes were hanging off me, and my new body was literally drowning in excess fabric.
And yet here I was, berating myself because I couldn't quite fit into my "skinny skinny" jeans. I mean, come on!!! I've lost over 50 lbs, gone down 2 pants sizes, found my lost collarbones, and all I can see is one lousy pair of pants that I can't quite squeeze into?!?!? That's ridiculous!
So, after a large order of PERSPECTIVE, I put the "skinny skinny" jeans back into the closet, there to wait for a few more weeks while I work on shedding those 8-10 lbs that will allow me to look FABULOUS in them! And in the mean time, instead of anguishing over my ONE failed goal, I'm going to celebrate my success...staring with a shopping spree to buy some clothes that ACTUALLY fit!
Monday, May 31, 2010
Who's afraid of the Big Bad SUCCESS?
For the past month or so, I have been at what weight-loss experts call a "plateau." I haven't lost much weight, and have been struggling to stay on track. I find this very interesting for several reasons, and I have learned that my battle and the factors affecting my weight loss (or lack thereof) are far more MENTAL than they are PHYSICAL. While I understand that a certain amount of "plateau" is to be expected when losing weight, I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I am my own worst enemy in this struggle.
I have been overweight my whole life, all 31 years of it. I think back to high school, especially my senior year when I was in the best shape of my life. I remember thinking how I was "fat" and "huge" and how, compared to my much shorter, much thinner friends, I basically felt like a GIANT OAF. When I looked in the mirror all I saw was this HUGE, OVER-SIZED person. When things didn't go my way, when I didn't get asked to the dance by the guy I liked, when I sat home on a Friday night, when I was overlooked and ignored, I blamed it all on the GIANT OAF that I saw every time I looked in the mirror.
I mean, I knew that I was smart, funny, a great cook, witty, and adventurous. I was a loyal friend and a good, God-fearing church-going girl. I had strong morals. I had ambition--I wanted to help the world, and knew that I could accomplish anything (academically) that I put my mind to. I could find only one reason for my social failures...and that was the GIANT OAF that I saw in the mirror.
Well, 4 months ago I decided to take control of my life, and to rid myself of GIANT OAF, my mortal enemy, forever. For goodness sakes, all of my problems are a result of GIANT OAF. All of the times when I've felt uncomfortable in my own skin, the rationalizations that I've made, the reason I haven't participated in sporting events or gone hiking, the times that I have been overlooked in a social scene--those are all GIANT OAF's fault. And GIANT OAF is definitely responsible for the failed relationships with guys...I mean, who in the world would want to date a GIANT OAF?!?!?
So, here's the thing. About a month ago, I reached a wonderful milestone. I stepped on the scale and realized that I had lost 50 LBS!!! I was ecstatic! I was so proud of all of my hard work, and when I looked in the mirror, I started to see new things...like my COLLAR BONES, for one. And I noticed some definition in my arms and my legs. When I would go to the store, I would look at a shirt and think "surely I can't fit into that--it's too small." Then, I would try it on and to my surprise it would fit! I would try on old clothes and they would hang off me. Life was good. Heck, life was GREAT! When I looked in the mirror, GIANT OAF seemed to be fading....
And just when I was really on the road to success, things started to change. I found myself unable to control my food cravings. I started eating junk food--stuff I had sworn off for 4 months. I still worked out, but I had lost my drive, and wasn't pushing myself as hard as had before. I started eating out more, rationalizing unhealthy snacks, turning back to food for comfort. I would get furious with myself, but I couldn't seem to stop. I was (and still am) so close to dropping another pants size, but suddenly, I couldn't seem to discipline myself to lose the last 10 lbs. I would lose 2-3 lbs, then gain 1-2 back, and have been yo-yoing back and forth around the same weight for over a month. I have reached a barrier that I can't seem to break through.
This has been extremely frustrating, and I have spent hours trying to figure out what is going on, and how to break through this plateau. I have told myself that enough is enough, and that I need to get back to my strict eating and tough workouts. All to no avail. When I look in the mirror, I see GIANT OAF lurking there, just beneath the surface, and finally, I have started to realize that GIANT OAF is NOT the problem. In fact, GIANT OAF is a friend. We've been through everything together. No one understands me quite like GIANT OAF does. GIANT OAF knows my biggest hopes and my biggest fears, and supports me no matter what. In fact, GIANT OAF, being the self-sacrificing scapegoat that she is, quietly takes the blame when my life doesn't turn out the way I want it to. She steps in and take the pressure off me. Failure is what GIANT OAF specializes in.
So that got me thinking...what happens when GIANT OAF is gone forever? The monster in the mirror, the one lurking just beneath the surface, the one that terrifies me more than anything else is not my good friend GIANT OAF. No, the creature of my nightmares, the thing that I am MOST AFRAID OF is SUCCESS.
SUCCESS looks very different from GIANT OAF. SUCCESS is fit and trim. SUCCESS is someone to be noticed. When SUCCESS walks in the door, she will get people's attention. SUCCESS can shop at all kinds of fun stores, because SUCCESS is thin enough to be able to fit into regular-sized clothing, unlike GIANT OAF who can only shop in a few plus-sized stores. SUCCESS is an outrageous flirt, and guys love to be around her. SUCCESS is confident in her looks, is unafraid of buying a bathing suit or going to the beach, and can handle any social situation with ease. SUCCESS is beautiful, athletic, well-dressed, and a social butterfly. SUCCESS is everything I want to be.
SUCCESS is a complete STRANGER.
I have hoped and dreamed about SUCCESS for as long as I can remember. But this is the closest I have been to actually reaching SUCCESS in a very long time. And, to be honest, it scares the heck out of me! All this time I have thought that GIANT OAF was the scary part of my life, but I realize now that I am far more afraid of SUCCESS! Why? Because SUCCESS refuses to be my scapegoat. If things don't work out my way, SUCCESS is not going to step in and take the blame like GIANT OAF did.
If I reach SUCCESS and then experience a personal failure, I will no longer be able to blame that failure on GIANT OAF. That failure will be all MY fault! I will finally have to face the fact that GIANT OAF isn't the cause of my problems... maybe my problems are because of ME.
Well, the time has come to face my fears and to own my life, for good or ill. I am here to say goodbye to both GIANT OAF and SUCCESS. After all, they are just messed-up perceptions that I have of my own self, costumes I put on to try and dress up the REAL ME. I am committed to starting a new life, and that means getting rid of some old friends, or rather, some old excuses.
I have someone I'd like to introduce to everyone...here name is Anela. Just Anela.
I have been overweight my whole life, all 31 years of it. I think back to high school, especially my senior year when I was in the best shape of my life. I remember thinking how I was "fat" and "huge" and how, compared to my much shorter, much thinner friends, I basically felt like a GIANT OAF. When I looked in the mirror all I saw was this HUGE, OVER-SIZED person. When things didn't go my way, when I didn't get asked to the dance by the guy I liked, when I sat home on a Friday night, when I was overlooked and ignored, I blamed it all on the GIANT OAF that I saw every time I looked in the mirror.
I mean, I knew that I was smart, funny, a great cook, witty, and adventurous. I was a loyal friend and a good, God-fearing church-going girl. I had strong morals. I had ambition--I wanted to help the world, and knew that I could accomplish anything (academically) that I put my mind to. I could find only one reason for my social failures...and that was the GIANT OAF that I saw in the mirror.
Well, 4 months ago I decided to take control of my life, and to rid myself of GIANT OAF, my mortal enemy, forever. For goodness sakes, all of my problems are a result of GIANT OAF. All of the times when I've felt uncomfortable in my own skin, the rationalizations that I've made, the reason I haven't participated in sporting events or gone hiking, the times that I have been overlooked in a social scene--those are all GIANT OAF's fault. And GIANT OAF is definitely responsible for the failed relationships with guys...I mean, who in the world would want to date a GIANT OAF?!?!?
So, here's the thing. About a month ago, I reached a wonderful milestone. I stepped on the scale and realized that I had lost 50 LBS!!! I was ecstatic! I was so proud of all of my hard work, and when I looked in the mirror, I started to see new things...like my COLLAR BONES, for one. And I noticed some definition in my arms and my legs. When I would go to the store, I would look at a shirt and think "surely I can't fit into that--it's too small." Then, I would try it on and to my surprise it would fit! I would try on old clothes and they would hang off me. Life was good. Heck, life was GREAT! When I looked in the mirror, GIANT OAF seemed to be fading....
And just when I was really on the road to success, things started to change. I found myself unable to control my food cravings. I started eating junk food--stuff I had sworn off for 4 months. I still worked out, but I had lost my drive, and wasn't pushing myself as hard as had before. I started eating out more, rationalizing unhealthy snacks, turning back to food for comfort. I would get furious with myself, but I couldn't seem to stop. I was (and still am) so close to dropping another pants size, but suddenly, I couldn't seem to discipline myself to lose the last 10 lbs. I would lose 2-3 lbs, then gain 1-2 back, and have been yo-yoing back and forth around the same weight for over a month. I have reached a barrier that I can't seem to break through.
This has been extremely frustrating, and I have spent hours trying to figure out what is going on, and how to break through this plateau. I have told myself that enough is enough, and that I need to get back to my strict eating and tough workouts. All to no avail. When I look in the mirror, I see GIANT OAF lurking there, just beneath the surface, and finally, I have started to realize that GIANT OAF is NOT the problem. In fact, GIANT OAF is a friend. We've been through everything together. No one understands me quite like GIANT OAF does. GIANT OAF knows my biggest hopes and my biggest fears, and supports me no matter what. In fact, GIANT OAF, being the self-sacrificing scapegoat that she is, quietly takes the blame when my life doesn't turn out the way I want it to. She steps in and take the pressure off me. Failure is what GIANT OAF specializes in.
So that got me thinking...what happens when GIANT OAF is gone forever? The monster in the mirror, the one lurking just beneath the surface, the one that terrifies me more than anything else is not my good friend GIANT OAF. No, the creature of my nightmares, the thing that I am MOST AFRAID OF is SUCCESS.
SUCCESS looks very different from GIANT OAF. SUCCESS is fit and trim. SUCCESS is someone to be noticed. When SUCCESS walks in the door, she will get people's attention. SUCCESS can shop at all kinds of fun stores, because SUCCESS is thin enough to be able to fit into regular-sized clothing, unlike GIANT OAF who can only shop in a few plus-sized stores. SUCCESS is an outrageous flirt, and guys love to be around her. SUCCESS is confident in her looks, is unafraid of buying a bathing suit or going to the beach, and can handle any social situation with ease. SUCCESS is beautiful, athletic, well-dressed, and a social butterfly. SUCCESS is everything I want to be.
SUCCESS is a complete STRANGER.
I have hoped and dreamed about SUCCESS for as long as I can remember. But this is the closest I have been to actually reaching SUCCESS in a very long time. And, to be honest, it scares the heck out of me! All this time I have thought that GIANT OAF was the scary part of my life, but I realize now that I am far more afraid of SUCCESS! Why? Because SUCCESS refuses to be my scapegoat. If things don't work out my way, SUCCESS is not going to step in and take the blame like GIANT OAF did.
If I reach SUCCESS and then experience a personal failure, I will no longer be able to blame that failure on GIANT OAF. That failure will be all MY fault! I will finally have to face the fact that GIANT OAF isn't the cause of my problems... maybe my problems are because of ME.
Well, the time has come to face my fears and to own my life, for good or ill. I am here to say goodbye to both GIANT OAF and SUCCESS. After all, they are just messed-up perceptions that I have of my own self, costumes I put on to try and dress up the REAL ME. I am committed to starting a new life, and that means getting rid of some old friends, or rather, some old excuses.
I have someone I'd like to introduce to everyone...here name is Anela. Just Anela.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Got any bite-sized runs?
Have you ever tried to run 4 miles straight? I have. And it's not as easy as it looks. Many of you know that I started running about 4 months ago. Since I was very overweight and out of shape, I knew that I would have to start slowly. The first few weeks I just walked, 3-4 times a week, usually 3-4 miles. Then, I started running using Robert Ullrey's Couch to 5K podcast.
http://www.ullreys.com/robert/Podcasts/
His podcast is AWESOME. I downloaded it to my iPod, and followed the program religiously, running only 3 days per week with at least 1 resting day in between. However, I usually did an additional day of walking to continue to get my body in shape ( I also started working out with weights 2-3 times/week). I had a goal in mind. I wanted to compete in the Blue Bell Fun run on April 17. My goal: run the ENTIRE race, without walking at all.
Now, when I first started, I was pumped. I looked forward to each running session, and I can remember being amazed and super proud after completing my first 5-minute run during week 4! After that, there were a few days here and there that I didn't really "feel" like running, but I knew that I had to keep on schedule if I wanted to work up to my 5K by April 17. The longest run I did before the race was a 30 minute run, but since I run only a 12-minute mile (on the treadmill), this was only 2 1/2 miles. I was hoping that adrenaline and sheer determination would get me through the finish line on race day.
AND IT DID!!!
I am proud to say that I met my goal--I ran the whole 5K, hills and all! My time was 42:36, which isn't stellar, but I made it! I was very proud of my accomplishment. I went home all fired up to improve my time, as I was signed up for another 5K on May 1.
And then it hit. The running Blues. I had accomplished my first goal, and after that, I lost intensity in my workouts. I wanted to push myself farther, and work up to running 4 miles. But when I went to the gym, I couldn't even go 3 miles anymore. I felt like I had regressed, and my heart just wasn't in it anymore. I pushed through it as much as possible for those two weeks, and still put in good workouts, but I wasn't pushing myself to the limit. I felt like I had the right to take it easy, so I didn't stress too much about it.
May 1 dawned, and it was the first really humid day we'd had here in Houston this spring. I started the run with the goal of finishing in under 40 minutes, which would be shaving 2 1/2 minutes off my previous time. I figured, hey, I ran the whole race two weeks ago, this should be a piece of cake. Only it wasn't! It was horrible. The humidity sapped my strength and made me sweat even more than normal (which is saying something, since I sweat like a freaking beast!!!). I felt like I was drowning in the air. I hit mile 1 and had to stop and walk. The course went through a neighborhood, so I would run a few blocks, and then walk a few. I tried to keep my walking pace very brusque, and made myself keep running, if only in short spurts. I still felt good, and was confident that my last mile would be under the 40 minute mark.
To be honest, I don't know what my finishing time was. I managed to muster up some final strength and will power and ran (jog would be a better term) the last few hundred yards. This was a local race, so with no timing chips, I don't really know what my race time was. The finish line was backed way up, because they were making people file through single-file (so the officials could write down each racing number), and it was several seconds before I could even find the clock. When I finally found it, the time was 40:51, but I will still claim that I ran the actual race in under 40 minutes, since I was at the back of the starting line, and couldn't find the clock for several seconds at the finish. Either way, my time has improved, which was good.
I went home, high on the adrenaline of another race, and promptly signed up for ANOTHER 5K on May 29. I was sure that this would help to motivate me in my workouts, and bring the intensity back to running.
Only it didn't. I spent the first week after the race searching for excuses not to run. I was just tired. And busy. It's the end of the school year, there's so much to do. Blah. Blah. Blah. And worst of all, I couldn't seem to duplicate in the gym what I could do in the races. I'd be on the treadmill, and just give up after 2 or 2 1/2 miles. I just couldn't seem to get it together. I was very discouraged, and wondering how I could have lost my love of running.
And then, I did something that has changed my life, and changed my running. I had been reading about Jeff Galloway's "run-walk-run" method, and decided to try it out for myself. Basically, Jeff (a very famous marathoner, writer, and Olympian) says that during your runs, you should take short walking breaks, to allow your heart-rate to come down briefly and then go back up, and to keep your muscles from fatiguing too quickly. It's also supposed to make your body burn more fat.
So, I put it to the test. I have been wanting to run 4 miles for a while, and hadn't been able to even run 3 since right after the Blue Bell Run. I knew that most of my block was MENTAL, and that I needed to find a way to break through it. Because, physically, I could run 4 miles. Mentally, however, I could not seem to make myself run for 48 minutes straight.
On Wednesday, I started my workout with my 5 minute warm-up walk. Then, I ran a mile, which for me, is 12 minutes. After that, I walked for 2 minutes, and while I was walking I took mental note of how I was feeling, made sure I drank some water, wiped the sweat off my face a little. And then, when my two minutes were up, I ran another mile. Then I took a 2 minute break, hydrated, wiped sweat, and ran a 3rd. Now, I have to say, that when I finished that 3rd mile, I was feeling pretty good. And as I walked for those two minutes, I took inventory, and realized that I felt REALLY good. Good enough to do another. And so I did. I ran 4 miles, with 2 minute breaks between each one. And when it was over, I felt GREAT! Both physically and mentally. I had finally made it through the wall!!!
Now, doing something once does not make it a habit. So, yesterday, I tried the same thing--breaking my run into 1-mile chunks--and guess what. I DID IT AGAIN!!! I ran 4 miles! And at the end, I knew that I had it in me to run another mile or two. My goal this week is to continue to run 4 miles on my two weekday runs, and next Saturday, I'm going for 5 miles!!!
As I've reflected on this MENTAL breakthrough, I realize that running, like other large tasks in life, is most easily managed when broken into smaller, bite-sized chunks.
As the old adage goes:
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!!!
How do you run 4 miles? One mile at a time!
http://www.ullreys.com/robert/Podcasts/
His podcast is AWESOME. I downloaded it to my iPod, and followed the program religiously, running only 3 days per week with at least 1 resting day in between. However, I usually did an additional day of walking to continue to get my body in shape ( I also started working out with weights 2-3 times/week). I had a goal in mind. I wanted to compete in the Blue Bell Fun run on April 17. My goal: run the ENTIRE race, without walking at all.
Now, when I first started, I was pumped. I looked forward to each running session, and I can remember being amazed and super proud after completing my first 5-minute run during week 4! After that, there were a few days here and there that I didn't really "feel" like running, but I knew that I had to keep on schedule if I wanted to work up to my 5K by April 17. The longest run I did before the race was a 30 minute run, but since I run only a 12-minute mile (on the treadmill), this was only 2 1/2 miles. I was hoping that adrenaline and sheer determination would get me through the finish line on race day.
AND IT DID!!!
I am proud to say that I met my goal--I ran the whole 5K, hills and all! My time was 42:36, which isn't stellar, but I made it! I was very proud of my accomplishment. I went home all fired up to improve my time, as I was signed up for another 5K on May 1.
And then it hit. The running Blues. I had accomplished my first goal, and after that, I lost intensity in my workouts. I wanted to push myself farther, and work up to running 4 miles. But when I went to the gym, I couldn't even go 3 miles anymore. I felt like I had regressed, and my heart just wasn't in it anymore. I pushed through it as much as possible for those two weeks, and still put in good workouts, but I wasn't pushing myself to the limit. I felt like I had the right to take it easy, so I didn't stress too much about it.
May 1 dawned, and it was the first really humid day we'd had here in Houston this spring. I started the run with the goal of finishing in under 40 minutes, which would be shaving 2 1/2 minutes off my previous time. I figured, hey, I ran the whole race two weeks ago, this should be a piece of cake. Only it wasn't! It was horrible. The humidity sapped my strength and made me sweat even more than normal (which is saying something, since I sweat like a freaking beast!!!). I felt like I was drowning in the air. I hit mile 1 and had to stop and walk. The course went through a neighborhood, so I would run a few blocks, and then walk a few. I tried to keep my walking pace very brusque, and made myself keep running, if only in short spurts. I still felt good, and was confident that my last mile would be under the 40 minute mark.
To be honest, I don't know what my finishing time was. I managed to muster up some final strength and will power and ran (jog would be a better term) the last few hundred yards. This was a local race, so with no timing chips, I don't really know what my race time was. The finish line was backed way up, because they were making people file through single-file (so the officials could write down each racing number), and it was several seconds before I could even find the clock. When I finally found it, the time was 40:51, but I will still claim that I ran the actual race in under 40 minutes, since I was at the back of the starting line, and couldn't find the clock for several seconds at the finish. Either way, my time has improved, which was good.
I went home, high on the adrenaline of another race, and promptly signed up for ANOTHER 5K on May 29. I was sure that this would help to motivate me in my workouts, and bring the intensity back to running.
Only it didn't. I spent the first week after the race searching for excuses not to run. I was just tired. And busy. It's the end of the school year, there's so much to do. Blah. Blah. Blah. And worst of all, I couldn't seem to duplicate in the gym what I could do in the races. I'd be on the treadmill, and just give up after 2 or 2 1/2 miles. I just couldn't seem to get it together. I was very discouraged, and wondering how I could have lost my love of running.
And then, I did something that has changed my life, and changed my running. I had been reading about Jeff Galloway's "run-walk-run" method, and decided to try it out for myself. Basically, Jeff (a very famous marathoner, writer, and Olympian) says that during your runs, you should take short walking breaks, to allow your heart-rate to come down briefly and then go back up, and to keep your muscles from fatiguing too quickly. It's also supposed to make your body burn more fat.
So, I put it to the test. I have been wanting to run 4 miles for a while, and hadn't been able to even run 3 since right after the Blue Bell Run. I knew that most of my block was MENTAL, and that I needed to find a way to break through it. Because, physically, I could run 4 miles. Mentally, however, I could not seem to make myself run for 48 minutes straight.
On Wednesday, I started my workout with my 5 minute warm-up walk. Then, I ran a mile, which for me, is 12 minutes. After that, I walked for 2 minutes, and while I was walking I took mental note of how I was feeling, made sure I drank some water, wiped the sweat off my face a little. And then, when my two minutes were up, I ran another mile. Then I took a 2 minute break, hydrated, wiped sweat, and ran a 3rd. Now, I have to say, that when I finished that 3rd mile, I was feeling pretty good. And as I walked for those two minutes, I took inventory, and realized that I felt REALLY good. Good enough to do another. And so I did. I ran 4 miles, with 2 minute breaks between each one. And when it was over, I felt GREAT! Both physically and mentally. I had finally made it through the wall!!!
Now, doing something once does not make it a habit. So, yesterday, I tried the same thing--breaking my run into 1-mile chunks--and guess what. I DID IT AGAIN!!! I ran 4 miles! And at the end, I knew that I had it in me to run another mile or two. My goal this week is to continue to run 4 miles on my two weekday runs, and next Saturday, I'm going for 5 miles!!!
As I've reflected on this MENTAL breakthrough, I realize that running, like other large tasks in life, is most easily managed when broken into smaller, bite-sized chunks.
As the old adage goes:
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!!!
How do you run 4 miles? One mile at a time!
Saturday, May 1, 2010
How many calories does it cost to get to Disneyland?
If I want to go to Disneyland on vacation, it will take some serious planning on my part. First, I will have to decide how long I want to be there. Then I'll research airfare, find a reasonably priced hotel to stay in, buy tickets to the park, decide whether or not to purchase a meal plan, and designate a certain amount of money to be used to purchase souvenirs. After I know how much all of this will cost me, I will spend the next several months or even year or two scrimping and saving for that vacation. I will forgo new shoes, cook at home, resist the urge to see new movies in the theater, mend my clothes so they last a while longer, and put all of my money into a savings account so that finally, when I arrive at The Happiest Place On Earth, I can spend it like a madwoman and enjoy every second of it.
Instead of going to Disneyland this year, I have decided that I want to get Skinny. I have researched the cost of this trip, and have been diligently scrimping and saving calories, burning extra fat, and building up a store of muscle. I have gone through my pantry and refrigerator and thrown away tons of food including pasta, rice, candy, cake mixes, saimen (ramen noodles), sausage, and much more. I have shopped with a whole different outlook, substituting celery for chips, broccoli for corn, ground turkey for ground beef, and keeping only a few treats for special occasions (you didn't really think I could give up Blue Bell, did you???). I have been working and planning and saving for the past 4 months. And I am all ready to arrive at my destination...Skinny.
So, am I Skinny yet? I absolutely cannot wait to get there...It's going to be great! I mean, like Disneyland, once I get Skinny all the working and saving are over, and I get to run around and spend all the calories that I've so carefully hoarded, right? I mean, since Skinny is my destination, once I get there, I'll be able to enjoy myself and not have to work and save anymore, right?
Wrong.
Unfortunately, one of the more disillusioning misconceptions that we have is that Skinny or Fit or In Shape are destinations that we arrive at, a place to "while away the hours" and "relax" and "enjoy ourselves," after all of the work is over. If you think "Skinny" is the destination then you're not going to be there for long!
In just a few short months, I have come to realize that Skinny is simply a mode of transportation, a way for me to get from here to my earthly destination, which is ultimately, Death. Now, I most fervently believe in life after death, but what I'm talking about is this life, here on earth. The start is birth, and the destination is death. There are dozens of different ways that we can get from one to the other. I have spent the majority of my life traveling that pathway in the Vehicle called Overweight. Sometimes (back in high school) it's been a smaller Only-Slightly-Overweight-Crossover kind of Vehicle that I've used, and more recently, it's been the Suburban-Sized Overweight Vehicle that has been carrying me on my way, and let me assure you that it's an energy guzzler!
Now, after having traveled through life for 31 years using various sizes of Overweight vehicles, I have decided that it's time for me to trade in. I want a smaller, flashier, energy efficient Vehicle, the kind that attracts attention and can do 0-60mph in less than 10 seconds! I want to the kind of Vehicle what will run races, hike mountains, participate in sporting events, and of course, attract the attention of another shiny racing Vehicle!!!
I also realize that if I truly want to upgrade to this new Skinny Vehicle, it's going to take some planning. First, I'll have to keep working hard and save up for a while before I'll be able to afford Skinny. Once I'm there and I trade in Overweight Vehicle for Skinny, it's going to take daily maintenance to keep Skinny in the best condition. But if I put a little bit of work into her each day, then she could last me the rest of my lifetime! That's more than I can say for my Honda!!!
So, am I Skinny yet? No. Not yet. But I have traded in Suburban-Sized Overweight for my current ride, Just-Regular-Overweight, and in just a few more months, will be upgrading to an Only-Slightly-Overweight Vehicle. I'm hoping I'll be able to afford Skinny by my birthday in December!
And if I do...maybe I'll just take her with me to Disneyland!
Instead of going to Disneyland this year, I have decided that I want to get Skinny. I have researched the cost of this trip, and have been diligently scrimping and saving calories, burning extra fat, and building up a store of muscle. I have gone through my pantry and refrigerator and thrown away tons of food including pasta, rice, candy, cake mixes, saimen (ramen noodles), sausage, and much more. I have shopped with a whole different outlook, substituting celery for chips, broccoli for corn, ground turkey for ground beef, and keeping only a few treats for special occasions (you didn't really think I could give up Blue Bell, did you???). I have been working and planning and saving for the past 4 months. And I am all ready to arrive at my destination...Skinny.
So, am I Skinny yet? I absolutely cannot wait to get there...It's going to be great! I mean, like Disneyland, once I get Skinny all the working and saving are over, and I get to run around and spend all the calories that I've so carefully hoarded, right? I mean, since Skinny is my destination, once I get there, I'll be able to enjoy myself and not have to work and save anymore, right?
Wrong.
Unfortunately, one of the more disillusioning misconceptions that we have is that Skinny or Fit or In Shape are destinations that we arrive at, a place to "while away the hours" and "relax" and "enjoy ourselves," after all of the work is over. If you think "Skinny" is the destination then you're not going to be there for long!
In just a few short months, I have come to realize that Skinny is simply a mode of transportation, a way for me to get from here to my earthly destination, which is ultimately, Death. Now, I most fervently believe in life after death, but what I'm talking about is this life, here on earth. The start is birth, and the destination is death. There are dozens of different ways that we can get from one to the other. I have spent the majority of my life traveling that pathway in the Vehicle called Overweight. Sometimes (back in high school) it's been a smaller Only-Slightly-Overweight-Crossover kind of Vehicle that I've used, and more recently, it's been the Suburban-Sized Overweight Vehicle that has been carrying me on my way, and let me assure you that it's an energy guzzler!
Now, after having traveled through life for 31 years using various sizes of Overweight vehicles, I have decided that it's time for me to trade in. I want a smaller, flashier, energy efficient Vehicle, the kind that attracts attention and can do 0-60mph in less than 10 seconds! I want to the kind of Vehicle what will run races, hike mountains, participate in sporting events, and of course, attract the attention of another shiny racing Vehicle!!!
I also realize that if I truly want to upgrade to this new Skinny Vehicle, it's going to take some planning. First, I'll have to keep working hard and save up for a while before I'll be able to afford Skinny. Once I'm there and I trade in Overweight Vehicle for Skinny, it's going to take daily maintenance to keep Skinny in the best condition. But if I put a little bit of work into her each day, then she could last me the rest of my lifetime! That's more than I can say for my Honda!!!
So, am I Skinny yet? No. Not yet. But I have traded in Suburban-Sized Overweight for my current ride, Just-Regular-Overweight, and in just a few more months, will be upgrading to an Only-Slightly-Overweight Vehicle. I'm hoping I'll be able to afford Skinny by my birthday in December!
And if I do...maybe I'll just take her with me to Disneyland!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Mmmm, pizza sounds good right now...
So, I daydream about food. All the time. I spend my free moments during the day thinking about food. And when I say thinking, I don't just mean a passing thought like "oh yeah, they're serving tacos for lunch." What I'm talking about it a full-on interactive picture in my mind, one where I can zoom in and linger on details like the Feta Cheese on top of the omelet, the chocolate sauce dripping off the ice cream as it melts, the fizzy feeling of an ice-cold Coke Zero as it slides down my esophagus. You get the picture, right? It's probably not as detailed and interactive as my picture, but close enough.
Here's the thing. I realized a while back that for whatever reason, be it genetics, environment, or just 31 years of bad habits, I am always going to think about food. That is just how I am wired, or how I have chosen to wire myself. Food plays a central role in my life. Each day is made up of several acts starring A-listers Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner and Snacks. All the time in between--working, talking with friends, pursuing hobbies, building meaningful relationships, flirting with cute guys (like the one I sometimes see at the gym)--becomes a second-rate filler until it's time for the next Star to perform. As soon as I finish eating something, I think about when I will get to eat next, what I'm having for an afternoon snack, and dinner, and breakfast tomorrow morning...etc.
So, the question becomes, what do I do about this? Do I blame it all on my parents? The media? Society? Fast Food Chains? Do I throw my hands in the air, claim that I was "born this way," that there's "nothing I can do to change," and that it's not "worth the effort?" Well, sure. I can do that. If I want to die young. If I want to continue to be inactive and overweight. If I want food to be the Star of my life.
Or, I can change. I can accept the fact that I think about food all the time, and channel my energy into using those thoughts to be productive. I can formulate a plan. I mean, literally, I can use my foodmindedness to start planning, meal-planning, that is. I can think about food in a productive way, one that will help me be healthy. Right now, I can tell you that for breakfast tomorrow morning, I'm going to have a protein shake with 8 oz of skim milk and 1/2 banana. Then, for my morning snack I am going to have about 1C of strawberries that I bought at Walmart the other night, and a light Yoplait Yogurt (it's always either Banana Cream Pie or Boston Cream Pie Flavored). For lunch, I will have either homemade turkey chili and broccoli, or a turkey sandwich, and my choice will depend on my mood in the morning when I am fixing my lunch and snacks for the day. My afternoon snack will probably be celery and cucumber and 4oz of homemade hummus. Dinner, I'm not sure of yet. I've been debating between a turkey burger or a tuna steak. Right now, I'm not sure which one to fix, but don't you worry. I have plenty of time between now and then to mentally go through my cupboards and inventory my ingredients, and then play around with different recipe ideas (do I go Greek with the turkey burger and use hummus and Kalamata olives, or do I go for the lemon-pepper rub on the tuna steak). There are so many possibilities, and I haven't even started looking online for recipes...
And so that is how I am taking one of my greatest flaws and making it work for me. I spend my days productively planning out my meals, making mental grocery lists, looking up recipes online to get ideas, changing my mind, re-planning my meals, re-doing my shopping lists, and repeating this cycle over and over again. Now, when I think about food, I don't feel bad, because I am thinking about it productively. I am planning awesome culinary adventures, and as a result, I eat out FAR less than I used too. I would rather make it at home, where I can measure exact amounts of ingredients, calculate the calories, make healthy substitutions, add my favorite things, and let my creative juices flow!
And all of my in-between-meals time has become much more meaningful. In fact, Flirting-With-Cute-Guy-At-The-Gym is definitely a Rising Star, and has out-shined former A-Listers Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, and even, Snacks. Life is starting to take over, and food is moving to the background, where it belongs.
So, although pizza does sound good right now, if you'll excuse me, I have figure out what I'm having for dinner tomorrow night.
Here's the thing. I realized a while back that for whatever reason, be it genetics, environment, or just 31 years of bad habits, I am always going to think about food. That is just how I am wired, or how I have chosen to wire myself. Food plays a central role in my life. Each day is made up of several acts starring A-listers Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner and Snacks. All the time in between--working, talking with friends, pursuing hobbies, building meaningful relationships, flirting with cute guys (like the one I sometimes see at the gym)--becomes a second-rate filler until it's time for the next Star to perform. As soon as I finish eating something, I think about when I will get to eat next, what I'm having for an afternoon snack, and dinner, and breakfast tomorrow morning...etc.
So, the question becomes, what do I do about this? Do I blame it all on my parents? The media? Society? Fast Food Chains? Do I throw my hands in the air, claim that I was "born this way," that there's "nothing I can do to change," and that it's not "worth the effort?" Well, sure. I can do that. If I want to die young. If I want to continue to be inactive and overweight. If I want food to be the Star of my life.
Or, I can change. I can accept the fact that I think about food all the time, and channel my energy into using those thoughts to be productive. I can formulate a plan. I mean, literally, I can use my foodmindedness to start planning, meal-planning, that is. I can think about food in a productive way, one that will help me be healthy. Right now, I can tell you that for breakfast tomorrow morning, I'm going to have a protein shake with 8 oz of skim milk and 1/2 banana. Then, for my morning snack I am going to have about 1C of strawberries that I bought at Walmart the other night, and a light Yoplait Yogurt (it's always either Banana Cream Pie or Boston Cream Pie Flavored). For lunch, I will have either homemade turkey chili and broccoli, or a turkey sandwich, and my choice will depend on my mood in the morning when I am fixing my lunch and snacks for the day. My afternoon snack will probably be celery and cucumber and 4oz of homemade hummus. Dinner, I'm not sure of yet. I've been debating between a turkey burger or a tuna steak. Right now, I'm not sure which one to fix, but don't you worry. I have plenty of time between now and then to mentally go through my cupboards and inventory my ingredients, and then play around with different recipe ideas (do I go Greek with the turkey burger and use hummus and Kalamata olives, or do I go for the lemon-pepper rub on the tuna steak). There are so many possibilities, and I haven't even started looking online for recipes...
And so that is how I am taking one of my greatest flaws and making it work for me. I spend my days productively planning out my meals, making mental grocery lists, looking up recipes online to get ideas, changing my mind, re-planning my meals, re-doing my shopping lists, and repeating this cycle over and over again. Now, when I think about food, I don't feel bad, because I am thinking about it productively. I am planning awesome culinary adventures, and as a result, I eat out FAR less than I used too. I would rather make it at home, where I can measure exact amounts of ingredients, calculate the calories, make healthy substitutions, add my favorite things, and let my creative juices flow!
And all of my in-between-meals time has become much more meaningful. In fact, Flirting-With-Cute-Guy-At-The-Gym is definitely a Rising Star, and has out-shined former A-Listers Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, and even, Snacks. Life is starting to take over, and food is moving to the background, where it belongs.
So, although pizza does sound good right now, if you'll excuse me, I have figure out what I'm having for dinner tomorrow night.
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